The Crazy Adventures of a Fried Chicken

BARF

2012-01-29T18:05:00.000-06:00

BARF means Bones And Raw Food. It's the new diet my pets are on. All 5 of them.

We heard about BARF diet some time ago, investigated through and thought: why not?

BARF diet is about feeding your cats and dogs only raw food, including bones. It means feeding them raw chicken, raw beef, raw hearts and gizzards, raw fruits and vegs, raw eggs, raw fish and pretty much any raw meat you can come across.

I know it might sound gross to some people but i mean, thing about it for a minute. Your dog, before being a pet, before being a name, even before being a dog, is an ANIMAL. And a carnivorous one. What is natural for him/her to eat? Do you think if your dog was in the wild he'd eat cooked processed grinded canned food? Hell no he wouldnt. He would hunt some prey and eat it down the to the last bite.

Just like Lola did when one of the neighbor's chicken flew in my garden. Just like she did with a gigantic iguana, a crow and a rat. Just like my cats did with baby chickens, mice and even a pigeon. It's not gross, it's nature at work.

Cats and dogs are MADE to eat smaller animals. They're predators. Their jaws can crush bones. Their body can process and digest them to. They're DESIGNED for it.

We've investigated quite a fair bit about it. When i ended up finding out what kibbles are made of, my stomach lurched. Sorry for the light hearted but if you have a pet, you might want to read the following. Factories that make pet food such as kibble, gather all the meat they can from anywhere they can. Which means it's the meat that is not suitable for men consumption, meat that has gone to waste, euthanized animals, sick animals and god only knows what else. In other words, your dog or cat eats dead or sick animals leftovers, along with all the lethal products that were used to kill them, along with the plastic bags they're dumped out with, the foam tray they come into and the collars or tags they wore when alive still. Then all that garbage is grinded, cooked to the point where the few nutrients left are gone and processed to become the dry disgusting food you feed your pet.

Would YOU eat this?

Damn right you wouldnt.

Then why would you make your pet eat that?

I now go to the butcher and to the fish merchant once a week. The food i'm feeding my pets costs me 3 times less than processed pet food. None of my 5 pets have had health issue over the transition to raw food. Even my cats are eating bones without any problem.

I'm not here to preach or try to convince you to change your ways. I'm just here to mention how much sense it makes to feed your beloved pets raw food if you think about it for 2 minutes. I'm also here to ask you one simple question:

What do you feed your pets with?

163 Litres

2012-01-29T10:35:00.001-06:00

163 litres is the AVERAGE amount of Coke that an average Mexican drinks during a year. Which is, when you make the maths, about half a litre a day.

And i think that's scary.

It's scary in the sense that it's not only the Coke that's damaging of your health but everything you actually ingest with it: crisps, cookies, freid stuff, greasy stuff and a lot of wakala stuff.

But i'm not here to talk about this. Mexican people are generally fat and about (if they havent already) to surpass the American people for the sad record of obese people within the population. I've been living here 10 years and i'm not fat. Why? Because i exercise and dont drink soda over meals. There is no big secret. I also dont like greasy fried food (which helps too!!)

What i wanted to say, is that even though i havent been biking during 4 weeks, the second i started again, i bumped into the same people doing exercise in the morning (i bike through a pedestrian avenue where people go to run, bike, walk their dogs or just hang out).

There is this young mother pushing her baby cart energically with weights on her ankle, this old lady walking super slowly but with that intense pain in her facial expression, this young dude who runs with a coat on and sweats like a pig, the housewives in their zumba classes, the girl with the pug wearing a cruz azul sweater (cruz azul that's a mexican soccer team), an old lady walking two gigantic dogs she can barely control, a show off dude doing push ups right in the middle of the path and a whole bunch of other people exercising that i see every single morning.

It just feels good to be back :)

It's Been A Month

2012-01-29T10:00:00.002-06:00

During pretty much the entire month of December, i've been sick. My usual bronchitis/pneumonia/asthma crap that i tend to get every year around Christmas. But when you cough so hard and so much that you dont sleep anymore, you obviously dont let your better half sleep either, your entire body is like a gigantic pain and you have to get up at night to throw your gutts up, you know something is not right and that you need to get to the doc asap.

And that's what i did.

So i got my share of drugs, felt better after a week, worse 2 days after i stopped taking the drugs, went back to the doc, got another round of drugs to take, felt better again and then worse again. I was constantly feeling like i was drowning, i was out of breath, couldnt get up a 20 steps stairs without coughing my lungs out. I truly felt like a terminaly ill lung cancer patient.

So i decided it was high time to check it out with someone who's specialty is the lungs and i went to see my hot lung doctor.

And he listened to what i told him and he told me one simple sentence: it's asthma. And i was like shit, then why the hell is my inhalor doesnt do its miraculous thing?

I'll spare you the medical details but bottom line is, being an asthmatic, when i get a lung infection such as a cough, it triggers my asthma in a more or less intense way and that mini asthma attack can last up to 8 weeks. And no medicine but the asthma kind can so me any good.

So here i am on steroids again and finally getting back on my bike to go to work. I had spent an entire 4 weeks going to work by bus cuz i couldnt even walk to the bus stop without coughing my lungs out, so there would have been no way i'd have make it to my office with a 25 minutes bike ride.

It felt so good breathing again normally that i actually RUN up the stairs with my bike on my shoulder. How bad ass is that??

Happy New 2012

2012-01-29T09:36:00.002-06:00

January 29th, Happy New Year to you all. I'm a month late but there is not way the first post i'd write this year would be anything else but a happy new year one. So there, you have it.

And now, let's move on.

What Was I Thinking??

2011-12-23T23:00:00.000-06:00

Grocery shopping? On December 23rd? At Walmart? At 8:00pm??

What in the world was i THINKING??

Crossing the parking lot should have been a pretty clear sign that the entire ordeal was going to be painful.

I had to wait to get a kart (never happened to me before), i didnt find half of what i came for in the first place, i had to pull all my strength to keep my kart from kocking someone down, i had to wait an insane amount of time at the cash register to pay for my stuff and was 4th in line for a cab to take me home.

I will never EVER go to Walmart during Christmas time.

EVER.

Lesson learnt.

Is It What It Feels Like?

2011-12-18T12:30:00.001-06:00

To die i mean ... I've been pretty sick since Friday but yesterday went to a whole new level so i went to see my doc. He said it was just a flu virus and that i should be fine by taking that Xango juice every hour (it's Charlie Sheen's tiger blood, i mean i can i not feel better with it??)

So i did what a good patient does and took my shot of juice every hour on the hour.

I was still coughing my lungs out and even though i was using my inhalor every now and then to ease the breathing, i was still struggling for air.

But when the coughing got so bad that i actually puked on my way to the burger place round the corner, i knew i had a long night ahead of me. And how right was i!

I went to bed early, didnt even hear Dear Beloved coming to bed. But i had cough attacks pretty much every hour so i was keeping him awake. So not only was i barely able to breathe (and consequentely barely able to sleep) i was also mortified to keep him awake as well.

At around 3 in the morning i woke up soaked in sweat, changed my shirt and try to sleep again only to wake up again at 4 with the worse cough attack i've had so far. My entire body was hurting (like i'd been run over by a truck and damn driver had come back t finish the job), i was so exhausted i could barely cough, yet i was struggling for air and feeling like puking everytime i was coughing. Soaked in sweat again, i dragged myself to the bathroom and started coughing and coughing like a terminally ill lung cancer patient.

I was terrified i was going to die. And jeez what a terrible way to go i thought. I managed to call Dear Beloved to the rescue and even though he couldnt really do much, just having him here holding my hand and rubbing my back made a hell of difference. And i thought, if i die now, at least, i wont be alone.

You know how sometimes men can tremendously lack tact? Well, I was so glad he didnt laughed or rolled his eyes when i told him i was scared i was gonna die there in my bathroom. He just said soothing words, told me that everything was gonna be ok and held my hand until i stood up again.

It's now 12:30pm, i'm having breakfast. I just got up. Dear Beloved is still sleeping but i mean he got up at 7am to take care of the dogs and i'm so grateful he was there so i could pass out a little longer. I dont feel great but i hope it'll get better soon. I dont want to spend another night like this.

Stating The Obvious

2011-10-28T22:42:00.000-05:00

It is amazing how you get use to have someone around in your every day life.

Tonight, Dear-Beloved has gone out to a party. I could have gone as well since i know the birthday boy but i work tomorrow and i thought i'd get some me-time instead. Well it's 10:30pm, i'm lying in bed already with an empty stomach. Why? Cuz time flies 10 times faster when you do everything you normally do between the 2 of us just yourself alone.

I went to walk the dog, came back 45 minutes later to feed them (and since Bullet is being a clown at lunch time, i have to attach them in 2 separate locations so they dont see eachother while they eat, then make sure they actually eat (especially Bullet who's been diagnosed with severe anemia last week), then pick up their plate, feed the cats, take a shower, put a raidolito on, move the fan back to the bedroom and bam its 10:30pm without me noticing.

And the bed seems soooo big right now!!! My mom always told me that you sleep better alone ... Well i'm gonna have to disagree on that one! I

Why Oh Why

2011-10-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a very similar post to one i wrote some time back called "always when alone". And obviously, it happened again. And once again, being alone at home.

Lola barks. Not a lot compared to other dogs but i now recognize her barkings and pretty much know what's going on: if it's a bark for attention, a playful bark, a "i'm in pain" bark or a "i'm gonna kill you" kinda bark. That last one is generally towards my cats or towards some other animal she cant reach or kill.

I was at home checking stuff on the computer when Lola started one her i'm gonna kill you kinda bark. And damn was she loud. So since it was coming from the entrance patio, i peeked through the curtain and i almost had a heart attack on the spot.

There was this GIGANTIC iguana stuck between the fence and the slidding door.

It would have been a cat i would have opened the door and let him in. But an iguana? Sorry buddy i'm thinking you're gonna die pretty soon. And it's not gonna be pleasant.

And so the battle began. It lasted 1 minute TOP. There was some scratching against the glass door, some banging against the grid, some growling and it was done.

Scariest noises ever.

And now she's eating her meter long iguana in the garden. It's her afternoon snack.

What? Taking it away from her? I am scared of iguanas and i have necrophobia remember? So hell no, i'm not getting close to that thing let alone touching it.

It's extra proteine for her :)

But damn, why wasnt dear-beloved home?

Should Have Taken the Loma

2011-10-14T20:25:00.001-05:00

A few days ago, Dear Beloved found out that another bus was passing just a few blocks away from out house. It's the Loma Bonita route. Loma Bonita means Beautiful Hill. So yeah, i live close to, not Beverly Hills but Beautiful Hill. LOL.

I've been sick for the past few days so i take the bus to go to work instead of sweating like a pig on my bike and running the risk to get sicker. Since Jova passed, temperature has significantly dropped and it's actually cool in the morning.

So last night, when i got out of work, i was waiting at the bus stop hoping to get in a Loma one. Bingo, it came before my usual Magisterio one. And Dear Beloved was right, that bus route doesnt fill up, there is always room to sit and since it goes through places i normally dont go through, i could even enjoy the ride.

I actually had to focus a lot more than i normally do on the other line cuz i had to make sure i didnt miss my stop!

Tonight after work, i was again waiting for the bus. Magisterio came first. And how i wished i had waited for a Loma one instead.

To start with, i was standing from the very begining of my ride. It's not uncommon but it's normally just a couple of people standing. Not 12 like there was then.

However, what i truly think was the worse EVER was that this homeless man got on the bus and he was siting on one of the first seats.

OH MY GOD, the guy was stinking so bad nobody was sitting behind him and the entire bus was covering its face. It's that kinda of smell that is so strong that it gives you an asthma attack on the spot. It was one of the worse smell ever.

I understand the man doesnt shower everyday but jeez, how can he even stand himself without passing out? There was this guy sitting 2 seats behind him i really thought he was going to faint.

When he finally got off (half way through my half hour ride back home), the driver seemed to think that he could now stuff the bus like you would with a christmas turkey.

Squeeze in at the back please!

Are you out of your fucking mind? There is not a single square inch left in that bus, we're all standing on top of each others feet or hanging out the door, we're all getting soaked by other people's 7pm sweat and you want us to squeeze in more than we already are?

Seriously.

I am never taking the Magisterio bus again.

EVER.

PS: This is NOT a picture of Loma Bonita from Puerto Vallarta. This one is called Silbury Hill and it's located in England. All the pictures i found online about a supposed Beautiful Hill neighborhood are NOTHING beautiful. And trust me, you dont want to see any of the ones i've seen :s

Hurricane? What Hurricane?

2011-10-11T22:12:00.001-05:00

It's been going on since Saturday ... We're supposed to have a hurricane coming our way. It's called Jova. Irwin is right behind. It's kind of a big deal on the West Coast of Mexico since we generally dont get any hurricane this side of the country. Or when we do, they're more tropical storms and coming from the South.

Jova is coming from the West. Which if it stays a category 4 type of hurricane, will swoosh inside the bay and erase it from the map. Cuz let's be honest, a hurricane getting inside a pretty narrow bay surrounded by mountains, will get stuck in there and wont go away until the job is done.

A few hours ago, Jova got back down to a type 2 hurricane. And this is the sunset we got tonight:

And right before we all got out of work this afternoon, our boss told us to set up an "out of the office" note saying something like "sorry folks, hurricane Jova is on its way to sweep us all off our feet and we might not be coming to the office tomorrow Wednesday nor Thursday and well, we'll be back eventually, probably on Friday, if the office is still there!"

Even though i'd love NOT to work for the next two days, i can't start to imagine how much work i'd drown into if i have to stay home for 2 days ...

It's 10pm. Jova is supposed to get to us around 1am.

There is not the slightest wind. It's not even raining ...

Hurricane? What hurricane? You only said it to get us excited and nothing. I want my money back.

Seeing Is Believing

2011-10-02T11:22:00.000-05:00

We, human beings, have this curse under which we have to see things to actually believe them. And you can say whatever you want, we all are this way.

We have a new dog. A male bullterrier, same age as Lola that we bad-assly named Bullet.

Bullet is big.

And strong.

And rough.

And brusk.

And he scares me a little.

I mean i've always had strong breed of dogs, and i've never really been scared of dogs. I just drew a line when dear-beloved said he wanted a Rodweiller. I'm not afraid of them, i just dont feel comfortable with the idea of having a dog who's gonna weight more than i do. So we got a bullterrier instead.

I could write a month worth of posts about the very special personality bullterriers have but if you do want to know more about that particular breed, there are tons of very reliable books about them. And yes it's true, they loooove eating exotic fruits, mangos and bananas in particular. I've seen (in total disbelief) Lola eating mangos throughout the mango season, i've seen her devoring a pineapple slice, gulping down a melon popsicle and begging for another banana. And since i dont have any picture of it to prove it, well, you'll have to trust me on that one (even though i know you wont).

Well when the now ex owner of Bullet (he has a Pedigree so his real name is something super fancy that i believe is a terrible name for a dog but anyway) told us a little more about the dog, he said that not to leave the plate of food sitting there, especially if it's metallic otherwise, he wouldnt let us rest one second.

And i was like, aja, sure.

When we came back home yesterday, i had left the 2 aluminium plates when i left since they werent finish eating.

We found one half way through the garden.

We still havent found the second one!!

And we both scouted the garden twice.

And this morning, both Lola and Bullet were so peacefully sleeping in the morning sun that even when i called them to feed them, i got no answer.

Until about an hour later when the druming started.

Gee

Bullet has a serious issue with a metallic plate. He was pushing it around in the patio (cement floor), and throwing it in the air, and barking at it and pushing it some more.

The amount of noise was quite astonishing.

I refuse to let a dog rule my days and/or my life. And even though i did wait for dear-beloved yesterday to get out of the house (Bullet jumped on me the first night and i have a bruise the size of my palm) i didnt want my sunday to mean i'm gonna be locked inside.

So i bravely got out to put a wash on, TOOK HIS PLATE AWAY from him, scouted the land again to find the other one (unsucessfully) and went back in.

All quietly, without Bullet bullying me.

I feel so proud.

Bullet, Dear-Beloved & Lola

What's Worse?

2011-10-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

I already say that i dont take the bus as often as i use to now that i have this awesome bike to get home and to work but on Saturdays, during the high season (which considered the work load i've had to endure over the past few weeks, i'm surprise it wasnt declared "high season" earlier), i work half day and yes, i'm offering myself the luxury of taking the bus to work.

I finish at 2pm and there is no way i'll bike at that time, with blazing sun and all. Just not happening.

Even though i dont take the bus as often as i said earlier, i still have tons of stories about the bus rides i've done in the past and most likely more stories to come as i keep on taking the bus from time to time.

So now, back to my title, and back to that pretty intense question:

WHAT IS WORSE?

What is worse when you're on a public bus?

A guy's crotch rubbing on your shoulder while you're sitting? A fat ass woman's huge belly? A fat ass? Someone's bag on your face? People squooshing themselves against you to make their way to the exit door? A borracho drunk breath at 8 in the morning? A punk listening to his music on his cel phone without a headset? A soaking wet kid coming back from the beach sitting next to you? A pregnant woman with 3 kids, all under the age of 5, with about 20 plastic bags of groceries dropping one of the bags on your foot? A construction worker's armpits at 6pm, obviously out of a sleeveless shirt? Or a complete stranger drip-sweating above you?

All of the above? (especially when you know it's 34°C outside!!)

All that familiarity in such a small environment is somewhat awkward and unpleasant ...

Drenched

2011-09-28T17:07:00.001-05:00

I know it was meant to happen, it hadnt happened yet but did last night on my way back home. One of these days you're looking at the window at work and dont even see the building across the street. What i was seeing though was my bike on the balcony looking at me like it knows what's gonna happen next.

Every time i feel lazy or completely unwilling to bike back home, i focus on the following morning at 8am, picturing 4 buses passing in front of me without stopping cuz they're jammed packed. And i think, let's bike then, i'll be arriving home and i'll take a shower and put on some dry clothes.

Yesterday, at 6pm, i raced into my biking clothes, grabbed my bike as fast as i could, rushed downstairs with bike on my shoulder and made it to the front door of my office's building right on time for the begining of the downpour.

Half a block down the street and i was soaked to the bone. The main difference is that it's still 30°C outside so risks of getting a pneumonia are actually pretty remote :)

What was worrying me a bit was that Exiquio Corona Avenue, which is the very last portion of my way back home. It's always the worse part when it rains cuz the draining system is inexistant and the streets get completely flooded.

Well that time was no exception. Except that something quite new happened to me. Every time my foot was at the lowest point of the pedal, my entire foot and shoe was UNDERWATER. I mean seriously 100% underwater. And obviously, it's not that nice clean pool water we're talking about. It's that nasty, stinky, oily street dirty brown water... GROSS.

I made it home after killing my crotch not seeing this big hole in the road around the corner from my house, thanked god i'm not a man, and made it home literally swimming in my shoes.

Plotch plotch plotch.

Dear beloved was home, handled me a dry towel to make my way to the bathroom and emptied my bag to dry everything (especially my phone which was already taking a foot-bath).

The rain stopped about an hour after i made it home. I believe this was the last rain of the rainy season.

It got me good.

I Scare People

2011-09-26T23:06:00.000-05:00

Quite a while back, an ex-colleague of mine told me i always scared her. I thought it was hilarious. But then another friend of mine told me that i was intimidating. And i started to think about it and i honestly dont see what's intimidating about me. But anyways,

I currently live in a very, very mexican area of Puerto Vallarta. What i mean by that is that i'm most likely the only white person living in that part of town. And even though my neighbors and people in the block know me now, at first, they stared at me from head to toes. And they do a second scan as soon as i start to speak spanish to them. Cuz i dont have much of an accent.

When we crashed the car, i used to take the bus to go to work. Thus i also used to take the bus to come back home too. Now i bike but i have so many bus stories i should really start to write more often!

I've just realized recently, that when i'm in "my" bus, people stare at me, which i dont really care about, and people are scared of me. Or intimidated. Or whatever you want to call it.

Bottom line is: i scare people off. I mean tonight for example, i had to wait quite a while to get my bus back. So obviously when it finally comes, a lot of people get on. I get the first stares when i get on a bus that doesnt go anywhere close to a tourist place. The only "tourist" stop it makes is wal-mart. But generally, tourists just dont take that bus. So most of the locals stare.

One day, i was sitting at the back of the bus and this old woman was standing in the alley (i didnt leave her my seat cuz there were tons of free seats) and she looked me up and down in disdain or in disbelief or in wonder or maybe all of the above for about 25 minutes (pretty much the entire length of my trip back home). I mean i dont get uncomfortable easily but after a while, i really wanted to stand up and ask her what her damn problem was. But it was late, i was tired and i didnt want to make a fuss. After all, it's a free country and i paid my trip and i was going home, just like everybody else in that bus. But still.

That day, the seat next to me was empty. And stayed that way the entire journey. Same tonight. I mean the bus is jammed packed, there is a free seat next to me and nobody dares to seat there.

Why?

Because i'm white.

I think.

I dont mind really. You guys keep on stucking each other against each other and i'll keep comfy on my 2 seats :)

I Have a Purple dog

2011-09-21T22:55:00.000-05:00

Like a friend of mine would say, Oh, Em, Gee, i have a purple dog!

Following up on my dog's health status...

So yesterday, she had her shot. But the vet was pretty specific and told me that every day, i have to clean her wound with hydrogen peroxide (?? is that the name really in english?, it's "eau oxygénée" in french and "agua oxygenada" in spanish but anyway). So i had to clean her wound everyday and then put an antiseptic on it morning and afternoon for the wound to heal.

In France, we'd use mercurochrome, a cranberry-red antiseptic that stains your skin for weeks. Well here in Mexico, it's called violeta and as the name so very well says, it's purple. A deep shade of purple.

And i have a white dog.

At least, i used to.

This morning, Lola didnt think any good of the violeta session and things got a bit out of hand. Ok things got totally out of control.

As i was getting ready to pour some violeta on her wound, she flipped her head to check something so much more interesting than me trying to cure her and knocked the bottle of violeta off my hand, splashing generously my hands, my legs, the floor and obviously, her face in the process.

A colleague of mine says awwww, she looks like she's wearing a lucha libre's mask. Buu, she's gonna be the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood! She's gonna get bullied. She's gonna get traumatized for life and will never want to get out of the house ever again.

Or is it only me?

Shots ... Like In Injection ... With A Needle!

2011-09-20T20:46:00.001-05:00

So yesterday, i went to the vet to take care of my two injured pets: Lola, my bullterrier with a cut from ear to ear and Nina, my youngest kitty cat who's almost got eaten alive by my dear dog mentioned above.

The good news are:

* Nina is starting to use her back leg again to walk ... it's far from being fully recovered but she also started eating again so she should be back to her normal pain in the ass self anytime now.

* Lola's cut is slowly closing itself up but again, without stitches and with a cut that wide, it's gonna take some time.

If it wasnt for me, i dont think Lola would actually bother wandering around with her head open wide. But being the worried "mom" i am, well, you know!

So yesterday, the vet did give both of them a shot. And told me: come back tomorrow with both so they can get another shot.

Well today, my situation wasnt gonna be any different than it was yesterday: i dont have a car and i get back home at 6:30pm. Vet closes at 7pm. So there is no way i'm getting both Lola and Nina to the vet, separetly moreover!, in 30 minutes. Took me 1h30 yesterday.

When i told the vet he said: so, you'll do it then! Here's the needle and the potion.

Whaaaaat? O_o

Me? Giving a shot to my pets? You're kidding right?

Well no he wasnt.

For those of you who dont know, i'm terrified of needles, i cant watch a needle entering a vein, no matter if the vein belongs to my dog, my cat, my man, myself, if it's live or on TV, just the thought of it gives me goose bumps.

So no, i'm not giving ANY shot to anybody.

Luckily for me, one of my ex colleague and friend, who's an animal passionate lives 6 houses down. I called him and he said, yeah sure, no problem, piece of cake.

He just left.

Nina is now completely and happily stoned and sleeping.

Lola is killing her gigantic bone, looking at me in sheer adoration, like dogs do.

Lemus, you're my hero today!

THANK YOU!

Woo freaking hoo!

Worse Birthday EVER

2011-09-19T23:15:00.000-05:00

Well it started ok. It just ended dreadfully.

I was in Mexico City over the weekend and we let our neighbor take care of our dog and 3 cats. Lola was going to be in a gigantic enclosure with the neighbor's 6 dogs and the cats were going to be at home like normal. The neighbor was just gonna come and feed them every day.

I managed to get a flight back home instead of the 12 hour bus ride i was initially gonna take. And i thought, well, that'd be good, i'll get some rest, in my own bed.

Well not so much.

When i went back to get my dog, neighbor said he saw a nasty cut on her head in the morning. First thing i thought was, well if it's that nasty, why didnt you take her to the vet? So i asked: do you think she might need stiches? And he said yes maybe.

And i thought oh my fucking god if my dog needed stiches why the flying fuck didnt you take her to the vet? I mean dude, you said you'd take care of my dog, it's like taking care of a kid. If he/she breaks his leg or get a cut that needs stiches, you dont just wait for the parents to come back, you take that kid to the ER, get him/her fixed and then call the parents.

Well the cut was even worse than i actually anticipated. And trust me, when its about imagining nasty gory stuff, i'm top notch.

So i did my best to clean the wound but it's never easy with such an excited dog or with hands shaking like that, or even when it's pitch dark outside. I cleaned it and then put some antiseptic and then had the amazing idea to put a band over it so it wouldnt get infected with some dirt or god knows what else. And since i didnt have any bandage at hand, i used an old sheet to make one of my own. And i was sincerely pretty proud of the result:

No, i didnt get her ears under the bandage, she just put them back, like a good submissive dog!

What i wasnt expected was that while i was finally taking my well deserved shower, Lola would throw herself at Nina (my youngest cat) who had ran outside and couldnt get back in.

The scene i witnessed (after very nearly breaking a leg because i ran soaking wet through the tiles of my living room) was horror movie worthy. If i had seen it on TV i would have switched channel. It was Lola going for the kill and the prey, her prey, was my cat.

What do you do when one of your pet tries to kill another pet of yours?

After what seemed centuries, I managed to stuff my fist inside Lola's mouth eventually and Nina dropped on the floor and was so shocked that she was standing there, not even blinking. She was covered in blood and so was Lola.

It took my 60 kilos to keep her still and a good 20 minutes to calm her down, away from the scene. And it took one extra set of gutts and another liter of sweat to carry Lola inside the house to get her leash and go back out to tie her up while i was taking care of poor Nina.

Needless to say i didnt sleep.

My dear friend Nahomi did me the favor to help me go back and forth to the vet this morning to check on both.

Verdic: Lola needed stiches, at least 8, but part of the wound was getting dry and nothing more than a shot and some more antiseptic to clean the open wound could be done.

Nina doesnt seem to have any broken bones, the 2 bites are superficial but she's beaten up inside and has been administrated strong painkiller and antibiotics. She still doesnt use one of her back leg yet and hasnt eaten anything in 24 hours.

Vet said that both will be just fine.

My pets are bad-ass.

But that was still the worse birthday presents ever. And 24 hours later, i still feel like a gigantic pile of poop.

Early Celebration

2011-09-13T21:04:00.000-05:00

I work in a company of 15 people. With 3 people who recently quit and have yet to be replaced, one that is now working from home and 2 currently on the other side of the country to open a new office there, that makes a grand total of 9. Out of these 9 people left, 5 are born in September. On the 5th, 13th, 18th (me), 22nd and 28th. What are the odds? 5 people who were conceived right around Christmas and New Year celebrations ... That could be material for an entire new post! LOL

So we all thought that September was gonna be the big fat month of cake eating and zillion calories. Cuz we generally have a birthday cake for birthday people. So 5 cakes in a month, that's about a zillion calories in birthday cakes. Just the thought of it was enjoyable.

Well we didnt. We didnt have 5 cakes. We had one gigantic cake, today, with a "happy birthday ALL" written in blue icing. They sang the mañanitas, the happy birthday song and i even get to sing it in French too, all alone but still.

I'll be honest. It was a gigantic trillion calories chocolate cake so compact and thick that one bite needed to be shoveled down with the help of a Coke gulp. And since i got the honor of cutting the slices, trust me that i was pretty generous on the portions.

It was truly a delicious cake. And even though i had to say how old i'm turning on Sunday (11 years older than the one who was the actual birthday girl!! aargh) and that it wasnt my real birthday day (yet), and that i didnt have to blow any candle, it was still a nice quiet celebration, with a lot of laughters and quite a nice touch from the boss.

But i still want my own cake.

Seriously?

2011-09-12T08:00:00.001-05:00

6:58am

It's 31.7°C outside.

Seriously?

Is it real?

Is it even possible?

I'm In Pain

2011-08-26T12:31:00.002-05:00

And by pain i dont mean psychological or emotional pain, i mean that i am in physical pain. In plain utter pain.

As most of you know now, i dont have a car anymore. Taking the bus was something quite enjoyable until the bus just wouldnt stop at my corner anymore. Not because i dont deserve to get on but because it's jammed packed full and there's never a single inch of free space on it by the time it passes in front of my stop. And when you've seen passing without stopping up to 4 buses in a row, on top of getting pissed, you're also getting late and have to hop in a cab.

Which doesnt come cheap in the end.

So dear-beloved and i decided to buy a bike. One for each. He can use his to exercise our dog and i can use mine to go to work.

God knows i needed the exercise.

Except that being sitting in an office for the past 7 months hasnt done my muscles ANY good.

It takes me 25 minutes from home to my office. And consequently, 25 minutes back. Except that the return trip is pretty much only uphills. It's not steep but it's a continuous going uphills way.

I'm not stiffed. Not anymore. But my muscles are in so much pain every effort feels like blades going through my legs. It hurts to the point that i want to cry and to the point i'm gonna pass out. Or so it feels.

Dont take me wrong. I love my bike. It's a bad ass looking red Samurai bike with suspensions and shit, i even have a bell i use to scare the joggers away from my path! And i needed the exercise.

But it hurts.

So bad.
I feel like a million years old.

Locked!

2011-08-21T14:19:00.000-05:00

I'm home alone. No biggy you'll say except that i'm locked inside! O_o

How is that even possible is what people are asking me. Well i do have the keys to all the doors with a key-lock. But my front door is a slidding glass door that can be "locked" from inside or from outside. And when you're on the other side of the lock, there is no way you can get in. I even try to unscrew the lock - it doesnt change anything.

And obviously, i have all my windows protected by fences like everybody does in Mexico.

And dear beloved is at work. Until 5pm at least, maybe later.

I could see it as the perfect opportunity to clean the house since i cant get out but i'm gonna use it as a perfect opportunity not to do ANYTHING (insert evil face here).

Can't walk the dog, can't do laundry, can't go to the store buy myself a coke.

Story of my life!

It's only when you lose things you have that you learn how to value them! Hence only when you're locked up that you really enjoy your liberty!

I wouldnt last 2 minutes in jail!

Steamy

2011-08-10T11:04:00.001-05:00

I have finally found Mexican's secret fountain of youth and perfect skin!

As usual, and most likely for quite some time to come, i took the bus back home yesterday. It was steaming hot outside since we havent had any rain in the past 4 days and the idea of being in a bus for the next 20 minutes was nothing remotedly appealing. But since walking home would take me a good hour and a half (if not more), what other options do i have?

That was undoubtedly the longest bus ride EVER.

It was so hot inside that everybody was DRIPPING sweat. Me included. But i really mean dripping sweat.

On top of being the grossest thing ever, how uncomfortable is that anyway?

There was this ventilation panel on the roof that was staring at me like it was saying "dont you dare opening me" that nobody even tried to open, i mean what is wrong with you people?

I caught myself thinking, wow, if i were stuck in a reduced space with the people of this particular bus, we'd die in no time. And then i thought, well, if i WERE stuck in there with all of them, i wouldnt ask for permission and would actually open the damn ventilation panel.

I work in an air-conditionned office and my desk is right under the AC. Needless to say i'm freezing my ass all day so i tend to use pants. Well yesterday i had capri denim pants on.

Bad idea.

It took me like 10 minutes to detach them from my legs.

Sweating is not fun. Especially when you sweat doing nothing at all. When you're soaked in sweat because you spent 2 hours in the gym or walking your dog, it's ok. But doing nothing it's just not cool.

And when on top of that, half the sweat is not even yours, it's just plain gross.

But at least my skin looks HOT with a 6.5 pesos treatment. What does beat this?

How To Destroy A Car ?

2011-07-28T12:13:00.010-05:00

In just over 6 seconds...

I have asked for a day off from work in order to go to the Consulate of Guadalajara cuz i have some notary paperwork to sign in front of the authorized authorities. Sounds important but really takes like 3 minutes. I basically went all the way to Guadalajara to sign 6 pages and get a consulate stamp over each one of my 6 signatures. And i didnt even see the consul. But anyway.

I asked dear-beloved if he would be so kind to take me to the bus station that night to take the 1:30am bus. I'd make it around 6:30am, will have breakfast and then go get my sheets signed, hop in a cab and make my way back home.
But then he said, well, i dont work tomorrow so why dont we go by car so we leave at 4:30am, make it there at 9am, have breakfast, sign your papers and go back home?

I told him i wasnt sure my old car would make it all the way to Guadalajara and back but if he was up for the driving, sure, why not?

And off we were at 4:30am.

And i slept pretty much since minute one until around 7:30am.

We were then on the highway, and the scenary was beautiful, all green and luxurious thanks to the morning drizzle.

And that's when it happened. Dear-beloved lost control of the car, we slidded on the right, then on the left and the second i thought cool i think he's got the car back on track, we actually "hit" another slippery spot and front-crashed the car on the median wall, did an awesome 360°, hit the wall again but with the trunk and ended up in the middle of the highway, right outside the curve we were in.

He asked me if i was OK and urged me to get out of the car. I obliged. And he ran to the entrance of the curve to slow down traffic. I couldnt stop shaking.

After 2 guys stopped to move the car to the emergency lane so traffic could go on at its normal pace, dear-beloved came back to me and that's when we realized how lucky we both were. We dont have a scratch, not a bruise to "prove" anything even happened.
Apart from the destroyed car and pictures we took of it, we could as well have been taking a morning walk in the Jalisco's mountains.

If only.

Ambulance got there in not even 10 minutes but received a call of another accident that just happened 1.5km behind us with casualties. And since we were just fine, they dashed.

And we waited. And waited. And waited some more. For the crane to come pick up the car, for the Feds to allow it, for the insurrance car...

We were there, on the side of the road for about an hour and a half when a pick up truck did exactly the same little show off dance we had done an hour earlier. I was so surprised/in shock/in disbelief that i was completely glued to the ground, watching in awe an accident happening in front of my very eyes.

Dear beloved grabbed me and threw me away from the road, in the bushes, just in case the truck would flip over and come flatten us both. It didnt. It stopped a few meters away from us, pretty much exactly where our car had stopped earlier. But there was 4 people in that car, 2 of which injured.

To make one long story short, since, as i said, we were the only non-injured people of all these accidents (we heard later that in 1.5 hours, there were 5 accidents over a 3km portion), we ended up spending 4.5 hours waiting on the highway to be taken care of.

Car is dead, engine was split in two, the front axle was also split in two, one of the back wheel was parallel to the road, one of the back door couldnt open. We sold it to the junkyard for just enough money to pay all that needs to be paid on such a situation, got a ride to Guadalajara with the insurrance guy, got hosted by a friend of mine, went signing the papers the following day and came back by bus.

TWO things are coming to my mind after such "incident":
1) you can truly know what people are worth when you're in such a challenging situation - you have the people who pass the crash almost stopping their car to feed on their morbid glutony, people who dont think twice and stop to help right away, people who keep their cool, people who try to abuse you while in dispair and people who'd simply give their live to save yours.
2) there is NOTHING like health.

And if i had just one little piece of advice, it'd be: USE YOUR SEATBELT.
It's the second time it saved my life and/or prevented me from being seriously injured. None of the 4 people of the truck who crashed after us was using it and 3 got injured, 2 pretty seriously. You can buy yourself a new car. Not a new life.

And as dear-beloved reminded me on our way back home, i was right, the car didnt make it to Guadalajara.

Now dear Santa, here is what i want under the Xmas tree this year ... Dont disappoint me!

Crazy Bus Ride

2011-07-22T19:31:00.000-05:00

This morning, dear beloved got a last minute call asking him if he could work today ... that was on my way to work. So he took the car and i obviously had to go back home by bus.

Normally, my bus takes 34 minutes to get to the bus stop i get off at.

Today it took 19 minutes.

Speed bumps? What speed bumps? You want to get off at this stop? Who the hell do you think you are? And that bloody bus in front, move! you, slow ass! What do you mean there's no overtaking here? Whatever.
And damn you people for ringing the "i get off here" bell.

Dear Unit-169 ... your Jesus Christ stickers will do you no good. Nor your rosary.

But thank you for getting me home in no time ;)

Cat Bite

2011-07-16T14:25:00.000-05:00

A good deed doesnt always pay off.

This morning, i saw one of my cats in the tree right outside the house. Since he was meowing like he truly needed my help, i called him down and decided to carry him back inside the house (so he wouldnt have to run for his life if ever my dog spotted him).

Well that was without counting on Lola (my dog) jumping that damn high.

As soon as she spotted me with the cat in my arms, she threw herself at me and even my knee wasnt keeping her away. I was almost at the window where i first intented to throw the cat inside the house when she actually managed to jump high enough to bite the cat on the back leg.

My cat Yeti is not the kinda cat that takes that kinda crap without reacting so he obviously was more than eager to fight back. Problem is: he wasnt fighting back the dog but me.

So i got scratched on my face (not fun) and got bitten on my hand.

I swear it hurt up to my soul.

He left 3 bite marks: one for his lower teeth and 2 with his upper fangs.

And as i said, it hurt like mother fucking HELL.

Wounds were so deep they actually bled for a couple of hours. It amazed me how such incredibly small wounds can hurt that much. I mean seriously.

But what worried me more was the following morning when my hand had turn a nice shade of red and was twice its normal size. I had no idea cats were venomous.

Since that swell got me seriously worried, i went to the doctor to check it up. When i told him my cat had bitten me, he smiled and told me: people always come for cat bites, almost never for dog bites.
And why is that? Simply because a dog bite stays open so it's easier to clean and it dries quicker. Whereas a cat bite goes deeper (thanks to needle sharp teeth) and closes almost instantly, keeping all the ~~venom~~ bacterias inside with no way out.

As the doctor said, back in the days, we would have needed to cut open to clean the wound but thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, we can now use drugs to sort it all out. Drugs such as penicilin which has been used in the treatment of bacterial infections caused by organisms.
Which is perfect to fight cat's venom.

Bottom line, if i'm ever stupid enough to try to "save" my cat from my dog, it's better to get bitten by the dog than by the cat. And as my doctor nicely put it: your cat is more than capable of handling that kind of situation with the dog, he also runs faster than the dog and will most likely NOT get hurt if you dont get involved.

Well, screw the cat ... he's on his own from now on!

That is SOOO not my cat and dog. But if only ....

Yep, this is more like this ... Except that both mine are white ...

Happy 14th of July

2011-07-14T13:37:00.001-05:00

Happy Bastille Day as they call it in the US.

Whatever you call it, today, in France, we celebrate the 222th anniversary of the Take of the Bastille (if that even means something) which in clearer words, the official day when the Monarchy became a Democracy (or so they want us to believe).

222 years later, it's also the day that my car got towed right outside my office and the day i'm finally going to meet the in-laws.

Still thinking on how am i gonna celebrate all that!

You Look Nothing Like Your Picture

2011-06-30T15:55:00.000-05:00

... Anymore ...

Dear beloved and i met on Facebook. OK, maybe not entirely since we were both working for the same company but i dont pay attention to anything or anybody really so i never noticed him until he "liked" one of my status on FB. And even when he did, i had no idea who he was and that, at some point, i actually accepted him as a FB friend.

I said it before and i will repeat it once again ... Happiness kills inspirations. It also makes you fat. Or at least, put on weight.

We've been dating a little over 6 months now and i must have put on at least 1 kilo every month. And obviously, 6 kilos later, it starts to show. Jeans are too tight, shirts are too tight and pretty much everything i used to wear during the before-dear-beloved period has misteriously shrunk. Somehow.

And my man, with all his manly tact, threw it to my face the other day:"you dont look like your naked pictures anymore"

(For those who dont know, that was my 30th birthday present back in the days, i contracted a profesional photographer along with make up and light guy to take ~~nice~~ awesome pictures of what i used to look like when wearing next to nothing.
And obviously, dear beloved had seen them - cuz i'm actually pretty proud of the result!)

All the sudden, i felt old.
And ugly.
And fat.

And the only word that came to my mind was OUCH.

Bastard.

The One I Get Assaulted (And Lectured)

2011-06-25T11:37:00.002-05:00

I wasnt sure i was going to talk about this because really, nothing serious happened. But it did happened and i've promised myself i'd be writing about the crazy things that happen to me here. Crazy good but also crazy bad.

Yesterday morning, i went to walk my dog, as i usually do in the morning, at 6:30am. Since there was lightning outside, i decided to take a small bag with my raincoat in it, in case it started to pour. I dont mind walking my dog under the rain but if i can avoid being drenched, it's better.

I was almost to the point i normally turn around to go back home (so after almost 30 minutes walking) when i passed not too far (but not too close either) from 2 guys. As i was passing them, one of them asked me where was the regional hospital. I briefly stopped to answer him and was on my way again.

Half a second later, one of them was throwing himself at me, from the back, reason why i didnt see him coming cuz i dont have a built in rear mirror, and telling me to give him my bag. My bag was a tiny little pouch with 2 things in it: my house keys and my raincoat.

Absolutely NOTHING valuable in it.

Obviously he doesnt know that and unfortunately, i'm not the kind of person who just take it easy, bend over and tell him oh yes sure please help yourself. So i wrestled back, telling him that i have nothing in my bag. And the dumb ass telling me to calm down and stay still.

What was the other asshole doing? Telling him to stop. Dude, instead of telling him to stop, if it's really how you feel, do something about it.

And then for no reason at all, and quite unespectedly, he let go off me. Without taking my bag. I didnt run away from him but was checking every few seconds if he wasnt following me cuz that would have been creepier than anything else (in my opinion at least).

I was DYING to shout at him stuff that would be censored and most likely making Blogger close down my blog for being so rude and vulgar. And if i had had a gun, i would have shot that piece of disgraceful shit in the eye.

And that's exactly what dear beloved told me HE could have done as well. For no reason at all. Shooting you if he had a gun just because.

As soon as i got home, i obviously told dear beloved what happened and he was tactful enough not to mention all the mistakes i made. But he held them for the day after when he lectured me for about an hour about all the things i need to be careful about, check what people wear, the look in their eyes, who's close to me, who's far, what car they have, never talk to strangers and if we ever go live in Mexico City as we both would like to, if that ever happen, not to fight back and give them what they want. Even if it's just 30 pesos.

Everything material, even money, can be replaced.
My life and safety cant.

I was majorly pissed at his lecture to be honest. I mean i've spent 33 years on this planet and i have never been attacked in my whole life. I've been walking my dogs at 6:30am in the morning for the past 5 years and nothing ever happened to me.
What i think happened yesterday was that for the first time, i was carrying a bag while walking the dog. I normally dont do that. Ever. For that very reason. I'm wearing a passion killer sport outfit with my keys in my pocket and that's it.

And that bag was temptation. Even thought it had nothing in it.

When i told a friend of mine about it, she said: oh my god, you must have been so scared. Well strangely, no, i wasnt. I get terrified by birds and dead animals but not by an insult for a human being who's trying to steal a woman walking her dog. What fills me up is a shooting to the roof anger, a feeling of complete helplessness and unfairness and a dangerous rage that could make me go beyond the point of no return (and get myself into serious trouble).

I think that if i do get robbed one day, i'll become some dangerous bitter revengeful person in killing mode.
I dont think i could stand the unfairness of it all or the fact that the dump shit motherfucker who steal from me gets away with it.

I have thus decided to get myself a baseball bat and start walking my dog with it.

Or a golf club ... or a hockey stick ...

See if they dare ...

I Know What It's Called

2011-06-05T13:27:00.000-05:00

I believe i have 2 big irrational fears i'm dealing with in my life: the fear of big birds and the fear of dead animals. Which are called Ornithophobia and Necrophobia.

Technically speaking, an irrational fear is called a phobia. Except that in my situation, phobia seems always a bit too extreme considering what i feel.

As you all know already, i have had this fear of birds since i was about 15 years old when a pheasant attacked me. Since then, i am dreading big colourful birds, pheasants of course topping the list but closely followed by peacocks, parrots and roosters. You can say whatever you want about these birds, that they have beautiful colors and stuff, it doesnt make them any less dreadful to me. If they are in their natural environment, i am ok. Seeing a parrot in a tree doesnt bother me (even though i will most likely keep an eye on it, just in case). But seeing a parrot swagging on the floor, or a rooster perched on a tree, i seriously start to freak out. Same if i have to walk pass in front of a parrot's cage. I dont mind pigeons, sparrows, crows or swallows as long as they're flying or in the trees. If they dare to get inside my house, it's panick attack.

Ornithophobia can cause the following symptoms: breathlessness, dizziness, excessive sweating, nausea, dry mouth, feeling sick, shaking, heart palpitations, inability to speak or think clearly, a fear of dying, becoming mad or losing control or a full blown anxiety attack.

As i said, it's not THAT bad but yeah, sweaty hands and heart palpitations, inability to think clearly if i have to get a bird out of my house or losing control are some of MY symptoms.

Now about necrophobia. This is what the dictionary says about it:

Necrophobia is the abnormal fear of dead things (e.g., corpses) as well as things associated with death (e.g., coffins, tombstones).

Symptoms include: shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, dry mouth and shaking, feeling sick and uneasy, psychological instability, and an altogether feeling of dread and trepidation. The sufferer may feel this phobia all the time, or only when something triggers the fear, like a close encounter with a dead animal or the funeral of a loved one or friend. The fear may have developed when a person witnessed a death, or was forced to attend a funeral as a child. Some people experience this after viewing frightening media.

To clear things up a little, i don't mind coffins, or tombstones or dead people. I am not scared of dying or scared of death either. I just truly mind dead animals. And i only feel it when something triggers the fear i.e. seeing a dead animal body.

Now my big question is, considering that a phobia only develops after a traumatizing event (the attack of the pheasant for my ornithophobia), what on earth did trigger my necrophobia? I havent witnessed an animal getting killed. I have had pets dying in my hands or arms but not been grossed out or scared and even digged a grave for them. So what has?

What i do know though, is that i can't stand watching an animal being abused or one that has been beaten to a pulp or one that is more than obviously unhealthy. I just cant. And that's what happened with that puppy dog i found in front of my house some time last summer. I just couldnt deal with it.

My "phobias" are not as bad as it could be. I once met a girl who's arachnophobia (fear of spiders) was so severe that she couldnt even touch or look at a picture of a spider. And my trypanophobia (fear of needles) never prevented me from getting blood samples or tattoes.

Needless to say that "Birds" is for me the ultimate scary movie. And maybe i'm just understanding now why i've been so uneasy during the entire movie of "Black Swan"...

I guess we're all screwed up in our own peculiar ways ...

Always When Alone

2011-06-04T22:42:00.000-05:00

I just came back from my daily walk with my dog. Dear beloved normally comes along but his back killing him, he decided to stay home lying instead. No biggy.

Lola is a high energy level dog and even though she's only 5 months old or so, she requires an insane amount of running to keep quiet the rest of the day and/or the evening. Fortunately, there is this big land which soon will be another "fraccionamiento" as they call it here (an enclosed place full of houses stuck to each other, exactly like the place i used to live back in the days) on which i can let her loose, where she can run like hell is chasing her. And that's perfect. Both for me and for her.

So today was no exception, after i had to drag her a few blocks as usual (damn her), we got to that empty dusty land and i let her wonder off leash.

And that's when i saw it. A dead iguana the size of my arm lying there in the dust. And i thought shit shit shit, she's gonna go straight to it. Well of course she would. She's a dog now isnt she? She probably sniffed it before i even saw it.

And yes, it was the exact same nasty looking iguana, i recognize the black stripes on the tail.

I dont like iguanas. I think they look gross. They give me the creep. They look like dinosaurs and thank god their cousins are extinct. I dont think i would have last as long as i have so far with massive reptiles running around on the loose.
But there is something that grosses me out even more than an iguana. It's a dead iguana. I dont deal well with dead animals. At all. If i found in my house a dead gecko (which, for those who dont know, is a 2-3 inches lizard), i secretly hope my cat will eat it and/or that dear beloved will take care of that nasty business (which he usually do!)
But the concept of touching a dead animal gives me the chills. I wouldnt touch a live iguana let alone a dead one. That could be a post of its own! I'll think about it!

So Lola got to that nasty dead iguana before i could even move (cuz in order to get her away from it, i'd have to get close and/or touch the damn thing), grabbed it in her mouth and ran away from me, just to make sure i wouldnt take it away from her. Like i ~~could~~ ~~would~~ should.

I daresay i surprised myself getting that close of the whole ordeal, i managed to put the leash back on my dog and was kinda hoping for the best. Which didnt happen. Obviously. She just wouldnt let go. And i could hear the bones cracking under her jaw and it was getting grosser and nastier by the minute.
End of the story, i managed to put my foot on the iguana's tail and drag her away. She ripped the head off in the process and she kept on chewing it conspicuously.
I almost vomitted.

But it would be too good to be true for the story to end up there. No. On my way back home, i also walked by a box of wing's army leftovers still in the box and all, a dead bird and a dead toad. All 3 of which got all Lola's attention and there she was dragging like crazy.

And all of that to finally bump into a mute guy who were so obviously hitting on me (yes i understood that part, no need for sign language for that) i was worried he would start following me (but he didnt).

Am i really the only one experiencing shit like this? I mean it's hilarious on the aftermaths, not so much when it happens. Or am i just a phsycho and have those crazy irreasonable fears?

Don't Take Things For Granted

2011-05-29T10:57:00.002-05:00

I know i am stating the obvious but a good reminder can do no harm.

Why is that we think that all that we have is a solid fact. I only realized today how lucky i am to have an exceptional man in my life just because we fought this morning. Over something stupid of course but we had our first half heated argument. It's not even something that bad but my ego got hit in the face and i over-reacted.

Anyways.

After i took him to work, i was thinking about it all and i realized that, damn, it IS true that we only realize how valuable things are until we dont have them anymore.

For those worrying about me breaking up, no, don't worry, the argument wasnt THAT bad! LOL. But it made me realize that my man is a wonderful person who treats me like a queen and makes me feel oh so good. I knew that already but a quick reminder, as i said, never hurts anybody.

And then i started realized that we do take a lot for granted. Your health, your wealth, your well being, your job, your friends, your house, your food, your car, electricity, running water, clothing ... and the list goes on ...

I have seen this video before, several times. At moment like this particular one in my day, or my life, on which i needed a reminder, i watched it again.

Maybe you can spare 3:27 minutes as well ...

Appreciate what you have!

Even My Dentist Knows ...

2011-05-23T16:19:00.000-05:00

I'm a lefty. And as my title says, even my dentist knows.

Technically, i am not. Not a 100% full left-handed woman. But thre is an incredible amount of stuff i do with my left hand. Cutting my meat, sweeping the floor, dealing cards, among many others.
Today i had a dentist appointment. First one in what seems ages but one of my teeth on the left-hand side was killing me and i thougt it might have been a cavity.
The good news is: it wasn't.

FEW.

However, he asked me: are you left-handed?
I told him that not really, i was more right-handed than left-handed but again, i DO do a lot of things with my left hand. He said: your left teeth are more worn out than your right ones. So he got me thinking and i realized that i do chew a lot more on the left side than on the right side.
And then he asked me: do you happen to know if you grind your teeth at night? And i was like, shit how do you know? But then, he's a dentist and he knows what that kinda thing does to your teeth i presume. As a matter of fact, i DO grind my teeth at night (even though i cant even do it wen i'm fully awake, i'm apparently quite a champ on the teeth grinding side when i'm asleep!!)

So that's when he had my (expected) answers to all his questions that he told me: your teeth are healthy, the pain you're feeling is due to stress and extra pressure you apply on your teeth at night. So the pain really doesnt come from the teeth themselves but from the gums and the jaw.

Crap.

He said that there is a solution to my very common problem (glad to realize i'm not the only one stressed out in this world! jaja) and it's called a mouth piece. And i stupidly asked: like the boxers?
And to my horror, he said YES, like the boxers.
Except that it's gonna be thinner and just for my top teeth (do you say top teeth? or upper teeth? For the teeth that are on the top part of my mouth, the ones that are on the upper side of my mouth, oh well, you know what i mean)

Starting ... tomorrow.

We took my teeth print this afternoon. I almost puked on his lap when he put that baby-blue paste in my mouth. And then when he took it of, it felt like my entire set of teeth were gonna be trapped in the mould. They weren't.

It's a 3 months thingy.

I'm gonna look as sexy as Pacquia's opponent at the end of round 12.
But without the blood or the broken nose.
Damn.

My Dog Thinks She's a Goat

2011-05-18T16:43:00.000-05:00

OK it is a catchy title but that's the way i feel about my dog. I don't know if she BELIEVES she's a goat especially since she's never seen one but she behaves like one. Well, more like a lamb. Or whatever a baby goat is called...

and i just noticed that a baby goat DOES fold his back legs when running/jumping ... mmm

Her name is Lola. She's just over 4 months old and she's the cuttest most stuborn dog ever. Every morning, just like i used to do with every single of my dogs, i take her for her walk. For her hour long walk. So then she keeps quiet and at peace with the world when i'm having my sacred breakfast. And then again when i come back from work. Another hour long walk. Dear beloved often join in and that converts it all in a walkasm ...

Lola is not fond of walking. Or maybe she doesnt see the point of it when we take off from home. I often have to drag her over several blocks for her to get on her legs and start trotting next to me. And i literally mean DRAG her. Cuz she doesnt just sit stubbornly, she sprawls herself on the floor and looks at me/us just like if she was saying "A-HA, what are you gonna do now??"

She is still just 10 kilos so i can still drag her by pulling on the leash but when she'll be the 30 kg she'll most likely get to weight, then what will i do? O_o

Dear beloved however, found a new trick. When she's being a pain, he just drops the leash and keeps walking, without even one glance back. I swear she's by his side in the following 10 seconds. And then life gets easier.

But i mean, seriously, what is wrong with that dog? What dog on earth doesnt like to walk? This morning i tried something new: i went to a huge empty area, on a construction site off hour, "asked" her to sit, took off the leash and let her wonder for a moment. Oh my, that was pure awesomeness. Both for her AND me. I never stopped or waited for her and she was always sniffing around for a few minutes and running back to me.

I would love to walk my dog off leash but she gets distracted by a lot of things and i dont want her to cross the streets running to see what that street dog or that cow is doing on the other side of the avenue.

But back to my title.

When my BF and i both walk the dog, there is always a point where we get to that piece of grass. And that's the point where she gets in 5th gear and starts running for her life. When there are the 2 of us walking her, he generally holds the leash and i just walk next to them both. So obviously, i dont dash on the grass patch (i do it when i walk her on my own though!!!). But as i was watching them running away from me, i noticed that Lola runs funny.

She runs like a goat.

She doesnt fold her back legs when she runs. And she really, really, looks like a goat.

We tried to make her jump to see how she does it. And guess what? She jumps like a goat too. It is just hilarious.

Here in Mexico, that breed (oh, yeah, she's a bullterrier btw) is nicknamed "cara de mula" which means mule head. She certainly has a mule stubborn character but apart from that, she's more like a goat. And she's obviously the cuttest dog there is.

One day i'll figure out how to post a video and i'll put one of her running. In the meanwhile, you'll get a picture of her sprawling ;)

Stop Complaining

2011-05-11T16:22:00.001-05:00

Times DOES fly now doesnt it?

But anyways.

A few days ago, i found an article online about a woman who wrote a book about the French and their amazing ability of complaining all the time. Which with hindsight, i can actually say it's true. Never have i noticed how much French people complain until i lived abroad. And it bothers the crap out of me.

I complain myself. I do. And a lot. But my fellow countrymen truly are out of control!

So half intrigued, half amused and half mortified (yeah i know that makes one and a half but as i mentioned earlier, this is my blog and i do what i want!), i started reading the article titled something like "how to stop complaining in 21 days?"

Why 21 days you'll ask? Well apparently, 21 to 28 days is the minimum requested time for an addiction or a habit to stop being one. Once you passed those 3 weeks, habits can be controlled, turned over, changed, modified or kicked out, as you wish.

So i thought, well let's give this a shot. I decided on this on Sunday morning so 3 weeks would take me to the end of may. Perfect. I like things to be square (yet i'm a very messy person but that's another story).

Obviously, you have to tell people about it. Otherwise (especially knowing myself), you can cheat as much as you want and that kinda kills the purpose of it all. So i told my man about it, he smiled with that kind of smile that says a LOT and said ok.

Monday morning, my cats were running all over the house chasing themselves and fighting, my dog refused to walk so was jumping up and down and barking her head off, i hit my wrist onto my sliding door's handle and cut myself deep. I was beyond pissed. I was crazy mad ...

Day 1 of my "i complain no more" project: EPIC FAIL.

Repeat After Me

2011-04-24T11:52:00.000-05:00

Happiness

Kills

Inspiration

Happiness

Kills

Inspiration

HAPPINESS

KILLS

INSPIRATION

I havent been writing in what feels like months (which when i look at it, it's not too far from the truth), it makes me feel terribly guilty but at the same time, i have no inspiration whatsoever.

No crazy things happening to me, everything rolling smoothly and nicely. I now understand more and more why poets or writers are either alcoholics or drug addicts.

My most productive months over the past almost 2 years that i started this blog, have been when i was either depressed or blue or dealing with stupid asses in my life. There still are stupid asses in my life but they either got strucked by enlightment lately or carefully hiding not to be seen.

I've also realized that happiness makes you live in that bubble and everything around is now pinkfully distorded. Everything looks nice and good and beautiful, nothing is weird or gross or odd. I mean damn, what can i write about now? About other's misery? That'd be nasty. I am not gonna take advantage of other's misery.

So i'll think about something cool and i'll get back to this place. Hopefully soon :)

Be patient!

Remember that the best things in life are the one worth waiting for... And let's be honest, i'm not gonna start feeling miserable to get my inspiration back !!

Easter and Holy-days!

2011-04-22T15:05:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, today and up until monday morning, it's Easter holidays. At least in Mexico it is. I volunteered at work (i know, don't ask) to cover these 2.5 days worth of work and i was pretty much the only one in doing so. But anyway.

On Thursday, my boss didnt come but he called me a couple of time to check if everything was going ok. With only 2 phone calls that day, i told him that yeah, he could stay at the water park with his son (laughs). And this morning, it was only the 2 of us in the office. After a few hours of incredible silence, he told me: this is stupid being here i mean, the phone hasnt rang in 3 hours, i havent received 1 single email. What's the point on being here?

So he said: when you go for lunch at 2pm, you can just go home. If you have any problem (cuz i'm on call over the week-end), just give me a shout. The phone hasnt rang since yesterday around 11am. I love it.

When i took off from the office, i didnt like it that much. First of all, i was parked in full sun so my car was a oven. And by the time the AC kicks in, i'd be home already so why bother?

And that's when i saw it. It's not holy week, it's holy mother fucking crap!

There are cars everywhere, people everywhere, crossing the streets all over the place, car parked in every single little corner or space of sidewalk available. It makes me dizzy.

It took me twice the time to get back home, in my oven of a car.

I hate the holidays.

But now, it's friday afternoon and i am OFF FOR 2.5 DAYS!
WOO
FREAKING
HOO

Now it would all be PERFECT if i had a basket of eggs ...

In Loving Memory

2011-04-03T13:42:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, i took the ~~heartles~~s hard decision to give my beloved dog away. It was a long process but i ended up totally convinced it was for her best. I had serious emotional issues back then, had started a therapy that was draining me and which was making me emotionally extremely fragile and i felt i couldn't take care of her the way i was used to anymore. It is very hard to find someone you think fit to take care of your pet. If she couldnt have me, she deserved the next best thing.

And i honestly think i found her a great family, a couple with a young kid who fell in love with her the second he saw her (while she was knocking him down in the process!)

Why havent i talked about it earlier than almost 6 months afterwards? Cuz i felt guilty as hell. I felt guilty for not missing my dog. I felt guilty for not visiting her. And let's be honest, i don't like to face things or events that make me uncomfortable. Let alone talk about it. And that was one.

Last week, i heard that someone stole her from her new family.

It broke my heart.

I cried hours on end and i died inside.
Talking about it right now brought tears back to my eyes.

I feel like the worse person in the entire world for not being there for her. For not taking care of her. I dont know where she is now. I dont even know if she's alive. I'd rather hope her dead than in the hands of people who'd treat her poorly or hit her.

I've secretly been hoping she'll "knock" at my door one of these days. Maybe if i focus on that particular thought, she will.

I love you Niki. I miss you so much.

I am sorry beyond words.

I wanna cry.

I Physically Harm Myself

2011-04-02T22:07:00.000-06:00

I tried to put that sentence in a more tactful way but there is no tactful way to express the feeling and the fact that i do harm myself every day that passes. The only difference nowadays, is that i actually notice i'm doing it. I dont notice when i start, i notice while i'm doing it. And stopping is the most difficult thing i've ever have to do. In 3 words, i just can't. I can't stop doing it. It goes beyond me.

Why do i physically harm myself? I do it to punish myself. To punish myself from being happy. And today being the 4th month-versary i am with my boyfriend, it's reaching records heights. How do i do it? No, i don't cut myself, blood is too messy and leaves stains and remember, i'm a practical person. Mentaly screwed up but practical nonetheless. I simply use the paper tissues i constantly have around me because of my constant nose-runs (how convenient) and rub it on my hands, arms, neck and every little piece of skin i can find until i almost bleed.

It's painful but since pain is addictive, i have to do it every time a little bit harder to make it actually "work". It leaves marks all over my body. But that pain is comforting cuz i know it. Isnt it what addictions are all about? Escaping reality through sensations you know, like a comfort blanket?

I've done it since as long as i can remember. Why am i doing it? Psychologists all agree on that point: i punish myself for being the happy person my mother never managed to be. I punish myself cuz even I can't make her happy. I punish myself cuz inconsciously, i have convinced myself i don't deserve that happiness. If she can't be happy (and even more if I can't make her happy) then who the hell do i think i am to lush in all that happiness?

It is screwed up. I need therapy. I've been through sessions already and stopped cuz it was just too hard emotionaly. I bailed out on the idea of getting helped and/or getting better because i didnt feel i could cope with it anymore without losing myself in it. I am deadly scared of changes even though i dont admit it. This is why i always order the same food when i go to the same restaurant for the 2nd time. And every single time afterwards as well. I am tremendously insecure and have serious self esteem problems.
Very few people know.
They see me as this person i've always dreamt i was. Strong, powerful, determined, secure, leader.
I'm not.

And when i have the chance to meet someone as wonderful as the man who's been sharing my life for the past four months, my old demons start to kick back in and i do stuff to sabotage my happiness. I dont do it consciously. But therapy has opened my eyes about it and i now notice when i do it. Which is a horrendous feeling. Cuz i dont think i can stop. I dont picture myself stopping. I cant control myself. Or so i think.
It's like being in a car full speed, seeing the wall getting closer and closer and closer and not hitting the brake.

I feel i could burst into flammes.
I'm scared.
I dont want to lose you. You're just too good ~~to be true~~.

This is NOT a cry for help. I am not trying to kill myself. I dont want to die. I am just trying to deal with the bad ass addiction that's been mine for more than 30 years and that is called PAIN.

I'm A Slave Trader Capitalist Farmer

2011-03-21T15:18:00.000-06:00

Except that i have no employee to work to death since i'm the only one actually "working" there.

What in the hell am i talking about?
I'm talking about the biggest addiction ever in the virtual world: FARMVILLE.

A few months ago, my dear friend Nahomi kinda begged me to open my farm because she was missing just a few extra neighbors to pass level or to get her farm bigger or whatever. Back in the days, i had stopped playing Zoo World (where i never got the giraffe i wanted so bad then), or Happy Aquarium, or Happy Island (being drained in the addiction's abysm of both of these by the same Nahomi). To make it simpler, i had stopped getting online Facebook. For my own safety and sanity.

One of my ex being a Farmville farmer, i knew what the game was about and i knew i'd get hooked up to that shit in no time.

Nahomi is indeed a very convincing person when she needs something and she dragged both myself and her husband in the process. Needless to say i didnt just started a farm to help her get one more neighbor. I got completely hooked in the process and started exchanging tips with her and some more neighbors i got quickly. To the point that i now have a bigger farm than she does, twice as many neighbors as she does and probably spend twice the time on it as she does.

Welcome to the sweet world of the worst addiction ever: video games!

There is however, this massive difference between me and her. She was like that when we both had an island and an aquarium. She arrages things so it looks nice and neat. I dont.

I mean my farm looks neat and there are no trees or animal all over the place. But i dont buy decoration shit that is only space consuming. Every single thing i have on my farm, makes me money. If it doesnt or i dont have room for it and it's not rewarding enough money-wise, i get it from my neighbors and sell it right away. Like the chickens for example. I mean a chicken gets you 12 pesos - yes i count in pesos i live in Mexico - but i can only fit 80 in the chicken coop. Well too bad, every time i get a chicken from a mystery egg, i sell it. It gets me 20 pesos but i keep the room for something else that can get me more cash.

So when people send me flower bouquets or fancy fence or whatever dust-catcher they can find, i get it and sell it. Right away. I want stuff that makes money. Nothing else.

And since i now have the biggest plantation that is currently available, 723 plow-able squares and pretty much every single tree that is available for sale in the market, i am now shooting for the moon and trying to get ALL the masteries of ALL trees and seeds.

How long is it gonna take?
Forever.
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing.
It's capitalism at its best.

Production production production.

Will i get a reward at the end?
Most likely not.
Do i look like i care?

I have entered another dimension of players by asking complete strangers to be my neighbors so i can speed up passing levels. I get tons of stuff in no time. It is actually getting exciting.
Now if you'll excuse me, i have some serious harvesting to do.

I've Been Raped By A Mosquito

2011-03-17T19:04:00.001-06:00

This morning i woke up with a major itch in the crotch area and when i checked where the itch was coming from, i realized that i had a mosquito bite on the INSIDE part of my lips down there.

I mean SERIOULSY mosquito? Amongst all the real estate surface that is available (and easily accessible when i'm asleep) it had to be THERE? And i mean, what a fierce mosquito it was, i sleep with a 6ft tall man and 2 cats. Do you think one of them would have done something to help? Nah. I feel truly offended and totally let down :(

I know i sleep naked but i do cover myself and there are some more accessible spots for blood. And some way more respectable places to scratch all day.

Vinegar, lemon and all those home-remedies to control the itching, in that particular area, no thanks. And every time i go to the bathroom, i get to scratch it "bien a gusto".

This is the first time this ever happen to me. I really hope it's the last!

PS: damn, the more i look at that mosquito picture, the more i think this is one of the grossiest animal ever. Wakala.

6 Signs You're Dating An ALPHA FEMALE

2011-03-13T15:02:00.000-06:00

She's on top of her dating game. She is obstinate, conceited and doesn't make it easy for you to pick her up. She gives you a run for your money and makes you work overtime on her, so to speak. But all this only makes her more appealing to you. She is, in other words, the quintessential "alpha female."

The alpha female has an uncanny ability to make men chase her. Her talent is very distinct from that of the "alpha male," a man whose aptitude for chasing women is finely tuned. But the alpha female's talents are special, and consequently, chasing her might be your biggest dating challenge yet.

So how can you tell if she's an alpha female? Below are six dead giveaways along with strategies to deal with her sneaky alpha tactics. In addition to the tips below, there is only one more thing you need to remember when pursuing a woman who knows her way around the dating game: Keep your cool. An alpha female can smell fear.

1. She acts unimpressed by your romantic gestures

An alpha female is used to men chasing her, so don't be surprised if clich gifts like flowers and chocolate don't impress her. Remember this: Her expectations are higher than most women's, so you will have to be a little more original to get her attention.

How to counteract it: Try writing her a personalized letter and leaving it on her windshield, for example. Or make her lunch and bring it to her at work. Whatever it is, be different.

If she still acts unimpressed, do continue to make kind gestures, but don't go overboard. This type of woman is used to men going crazy for her, and you will stand out more if you can keep your cool.

2. She continues to date other men

Clearly, she doesn't want to commit. The alpha woman always has several men on the go and likes to keep her options open.

How to counteract it: The only way to deal with her wandering eyes is to do the same. In other words, fight fire with fire and continue to date other women until you discuss otherwise.

How to handle her if she never calls you back, always insists on paying her share, is demanding, and more...

3. She's hard to reach

The alpha female is a busy woman, or at least she is very talented at making you believe that. She likes to have you at her beck and call and wants you to work around her schedule.

How to counteract it: Don't become the last-minute, just-in-case guy -- that won't earn you any respect in the long term. Make sure she realizes that you have your own commitments by not working entirely around her schedule. Do continue to pursue her if you think you have a shot, but be casual when you call. And definitely don't call more than twice before she calls you back.

4. She insists on paying her share of the bill

If she always insists on going Dutch, she might be pulling one of her fancy alpha tricks. Why? Because if you never treat her, she'll never owe you anything. Nada.

How to counteract it: Continue to offer to pay on dates, but if she seems adamant about paying her share, don't insist. If you want to avoid the whole awkward bill-splitting moment, tell her you'll take her to your "secret spot" and bring along a picnic to surprise her.

5. She is demanding

She continuously asks you for favors and you are eager to do them for her. Sound familiar? The alpha female is used to having men pursue her and give in to her every whim. But as tempting as it might be to jump every time she tells you to, do not allow yourself to become her puppy dog.

How to counteract it: Keep your dignity and do only what you feel is within reason. You will earn yourself far more respect in the long run if you don't jump through all the hoops she sets out for you.

6. She is sarcastic and condescending to you

If she constantly talks down to you and makes rude or mocking remarks, you need to defend your honor and fight back with equally witty comments. You never know what the alpha female might say, so you always have to be "on" and ready for verbal combat.

How to counteract it: Use a negative hit only when absolutely necessary (something mildly but not overly insulting). This will throw her off balance and threaten her feelings of control. However, if your exchanges are consistently negative and disrespectful, you're probably better off moving on; you shouldn't have to put up with her abuse.

>>become the alpha male

Make one important distinction clear in your mind: An alpha female might not call you back very often and she may date other men, but she will show you strong, intermittent signs that she is interested to encourage you to continue pursuing her. Do not mix this up with a woman who is showing few or no signs that she's interested. In other words, know when to stop trying and walk away.

Do i need to comment on this?? ;)

Yeah, didnt think so!

PS: i think i found the only "male" who can actually handle me ... =)

I Am Officially Obsessed

2011-03-06T16:38:00.000-06:00

with Lady Gaga...

Not groupie-obsessed, not obsessed to the point i want to stalk her and go to every single of her concerts or wait outside her hotel room all night to see a glimpse of her or collect every single piece of Gaga thing i can find, not obsessed with her videos or her outfits, just obsessed with her music to the extend that i dont really want to listen to anything else.

But i do like the way she dares wearing a meat dress ...

I mean seriously, who does that?

My Blonde Moments (Very First Instalment)

2011-03-02T22:02:00.000-06:00

Maybe i should make a label from that title ... Cuz as far as i'm concerned, i've had quite a few blonde moments since i started dating Mr Smart Ass ;)

My BF, among a million other qualities of his, has an answer to pretty much every single question or ignorance of mine regarding the human body. Male or female.
I'm not saying that i'm a complete idiot either but there is a LOT i dont know even about my own body.

Not later than 5 minutes ago, i asked him: do you think i can use a cotton-buds and alcohol to clean my belly button thoroughly?
Dear beloved: if you want to get drunk, sure why not.
Me: what? O_o
Dear beloved: well where do you think your belly button is connected to?
Me: what? my belly button is connected to something?
Dear beloved: well yeah! How do you think you got all the things you needed when you were in your mom's belly?
Me: yeah well i know, through the ombilical cord and the belly button and stuff but i though the connection was gone once the cord is cut and that the belly button was just a scar.
Dear beloved (rolling his eyes in vain): oh dear.

I didnt know i could drink a shot of whatever i want directly through my belly button. I'm so trying that with a shot of Tequila! At least i won't have the nasty taste in the mouth!
But the big question is ...

Will i still get the hangover?

Aie Aie Aie

2011-03-01T16:20:00.000-06:00

... me duele
Aie, aie, aie, una ambulancia
Aie, aie, aie, me muero ...

Ok maybe it's not that bad but i've always loved being a bit dramatic.

And yes this is pretty much what i look like right now ... the only difference is that i'm not wearing a bathrobe but my BF's extra large sweat pants and sweater, but the nose, the expression on the face and the tissues all over the place, oh yeah, so like me - you dont want to see an actual picture of me, it'd be too scary ...

Even though to be truly honest, i've been dying in bed since sunday (so 3 days now), already missed 2 days of work, and no, it's no fun.

What is is with me this time? A friend of mine told me i'm a medical miracle since i'm dying of something pretty much once a month. So what is it this time? I have the flu. Not the H1N1 like my father asked, just some normal ~~mexican~~ flu ... and the flu means coughing, sneezing, fever and body aches.

Coughing and sneezing, being an asthmatic and allergic to pretty much everything (last thing to join the list is aspirin!), i'm kinda used to it. So no real big deal there. Not fun but no big deal.
Fever, not fun.
Body aches, not fun.

Fever: you sweat, then you're freezing cold in your soaky wet shirt or sheets and then you're sweating some more, and shiver some more ... yeah, not fun.
Body aches: oh my god. I mean last time i remember being in such a huge amount of pain was the day after my first squash lesson. And that was mainly the legs that were sore.
But like right now, my ENTIRE body is in pain. It feels like i've been run over by a bus, or a train, or both, or bit the crap out of with base ball bats. Either way, so not fun.
I mean even my scalpt hurts!

I know the pain will still be there tomorrow but i am so going back to work. One more day lying in bed and i might lose it.

A Month & A Day

2011-02-27T20:37:00.000-06:00

That is the time that has passed between my last day at my ancient work and now. Why is that any important? Because i have been officially notified that i am NOT an adventure girl anylonger.

I've always wanted to write the following sentence:
This is the end of an adventure and the begining of a journey. Why? Cuz as i said, i am now not a Vallarta Adventures worker any longer (officially or legally) but a full time Journey Mexico employee.

After 8 long years with a company that didnt even bother to say goodbye when i left, i am now working as an operation coordinator for this awesome company, for these awesome people and in such a great work environment!

Am i lucky? No, i dont believe in luck.

I have what i've always wanted. I have what i wanted to have for a very long time. And since i wanted hard enough, i got it. Period.

Who knows where this will take me but it'll be something good i'm sure.

Have i missed VA? No.

And to be truly honest, i havent missed it one single second.
Am i missing my old job? No.

It surely has been weird at first to pass in front of the pier, to see cruise ships in port and not stopping but i dont miss my old job no. I enjoyed while it lasted, i truly enjoyed the people i worked with over the years but the job itself, no, i dont miss it.

I guess it's when you dont have things that you realize how much you loved and needed them. Does that mean i didnt love or need my job at VA? I guess not.

I'm on a different boat now, on a different ride. I'm heading to somewhere new. And it's exhilarating!

I dont know what i'll do, but i'll know it'll be good.

My journey has began!

Clavo Que Saca Otro Clavo

2011-02-19T13:56:00.000-06:00

Haven't we all experienced this? Being that person that helps someone getting over his/her ex?

I heard this song for the first time around Christmas last year. And i realized that very often (and in that particular situation, it was also pretty fresh in my life) you nurture the illusion that you can make someone fall desperately in love with you, forget all about his past life with his/her ex and only want to be with you forever and ever.

Excuse my french, but i think it's bullshit. You dont make someone fall in love with you. Generally, it happens. Or it doesnt. But you cannot force someone to love you.

Over the past few months, i've heard this song several times and i just couldnt find out who the singer was and what was the title of the song. I did though. Yesterday.

Since then, i've listened to it maybe a thousand times, already know the lyrics by heart and stuff! I've also done some thinking about it... I've been in that situation, i've been the "half time" dish thinking that yeah, it's gonna be different this time, he's gonna realize how wonderful a woman i am and forget all about his ex, he's gonna fall desperately irrevocably in love with me and it will be the end of life as we know it and we'll start living this blissfull dream.

AJA.
Sure.

For all of you out there who actually genuinely worry about my well-being, don't. Not this time. I am dating the most amazing man Earth has ever seen and i'm certainly NOT dwelling on some failed past relationships. Oh hell no.

I'm a happy camper.
And a pretty damn happy one with that!

I just wanted to share this song.
And for my Spanish speaking fans, here are the lyrics so you can blow your lungs singing!

Song: Clavo que saca otro clavo
Artist: Paty Cantu

Ya lo sabia
Tu alma rota tu biografía de amor
Me lo advertías no hay sincronía fue cosa mía
La fantasía de enamorarte algún día yo

Fui solo el consuelo del amor que perdías
Clavo que saca otro clavo tu medicina
Soy con la que tú olvidaste a la que querías
La que amaras
Ya lo sabía Aaaa

Ya lo sabía
Que esta guerra estaba perdida
Perdon fue culpa mia
Fue me mentia fue una ironía
La fantasía de enamórate algún día yo

Fui solo el consuelo del amor que perdías
Clavo que saca otro clavo tu medicina
Soy con la que tú olvidaste a la que querías
Y la que amaras
Ya lo sabía

Y no tiene remedio no fui solo el intermedio yo
Me duele y es asi yo para ti
Fui solo el consuelo del amor que perdías
Clavo que saca otro clavo tu medicina

Fui solo el consuelo del amor que perdías
Clavo que saca otro clavo tu medicina
Soy con la que tú olvidaste a la que querías
La que amaras
Ya lo sabía
Ya lo sabía
Ya lo sabía aaa

Soy con la que tú olvidaste a la que querías
La que amaras
Nunca seria.....

Four Layers

2011-02-15T22:34:00.000-06:00

We all know that men and women are different. Most of the inside works the same but there are some big functioning differences as well as major physical differences.

To name but a few:

- Men usually have greater upper body strength, build muscle easily, have thicker skin, bruise less easily. A man’s skull is almost always thicker and stronger than a woman’s
- Women on the other hand have four times as many brain cells (neurons) connecting the right and left side of their brain. Women can focus on more than one problem at one time and frequently prefer to solve problems through multiple activities at a time (which means that yes, we can talk and do something else at the same time - but dont take our credit on being amazing at multitasking)
- Men are taller and heavier but women have wider hips.
- Women are more likely to become blind and men to die in a car-related accident (there you go for women's poor driving abilities) or because of smoking.
- Men have more water in their system which make them more resistant to alcohol (even if you take a man and a woman same age, same race, same weight, same height, a woman will get drunk way quicker)
- Men are more likely to get their computer infected with a virus or to be the victim of online fraud (that's the price to pay for watching too much free porn)
- There are more men who are obese or over-weighted than woman (and there goes the beer belly!!)
- A woman floats better than a man due to higher amount of body fat.
- Women are more emotion-driven than men making them more reactive to perceive danger or threat.
- Men's center of gravity is lower than women's.

As far as physical differences are concerned, i think that all comes down to one thing: women are built to carry babies (inside and out) and mothering them. Period.

Too bad for people like me who just don't feel the need for it. But that's another story.

So the other day, i was talking about these differences with my better half when he dropped a bomb. Apart from the fact that he underlined women's tendency to pack up pounds around the waist and on the thighs (making those spots the always last body parts to lose weight from), he told me that women actually have 4 layers of fat on their stomach - that is 2 more then men.
FOUR LAYERS OF FAT.

Do you grab the atrocity of that statement?

On top of being extremely complicated and tedious for a woman to lose the fat that we all have on our hips and thighs and stomach, cuz mother nature gave it to us so we are prepared to sustain one or more pregnancies, we have 2 extra layers of fat on our stomach making it practically impossible for us to have a flat stomach.
Well, maybe it's not impossible but it'd cost us twice the work than a man to get a 6-pack.

See the difference? How unfair is that?

I want my money back.

PS: for more almost scientific data on the differences between men and women, i suggest you check here and for the macho men reading these lines, you'll probably have a laugh reading THIS.
But let's be honest, my all time favorite would be found HERE.
Have a laugh at least, there is nothing we can do about all this!! =)

Thank You

2011-02-11T15:14:00.000-06:00

Thank you for always cheering me up
Thank you for giving me that confidence that i sometimes lack
Thank you for believing in me
Thank you for teaching me how to be happy
Thank you for showing me how to let go
Thank you for showing me the light when i only see darkness
Thank you for holding my hand when i need comforting
Thank you for your morning smile and your afternoon hugs
Thank you for being you
Thank you for sharing my life ...

I

Love

You

Now and Ever

I Don't Have a Cel Phone

2011-01-31T14:01:00.000-06:00

OMG ... I mean OH MY FREAKING GOD, i don't have a cel phone anymore O_o

Today marked my official last day at Vallarta Adventures so i went to the office to give back all my babies: my laptop, my radio and my dear beloved blackberry!
I'm starting my new job tomorrow and supposedly i'll get a new phone from there but in the meanwhile, well, i'm cel phone-less.

I feel naked.

I haven't been without a cel phone in 12 years. TWELVE YEARS. I mean it's like i'd tell you, ok from now on, we're gonna take one of your arms away from you. Hey but hold on, i need it! I'm used to it now, i've been carrying it around for ever!

Is that addiction or what?

If i dont get a new phone tomorrow, i'll go straight from work to telcel and get a pink blackberry. Oh hell yes =)

Aaaaaand I Can't Move ...

2011-01-28T22:24:00.000-06:00

OK maybe i'm exagerating a little but it's honestly just a little. I CAN move but not without going through this insane amount of pain in pretty much my entire body now.

It all started yesterday afternoon with me getting excited about the idea of playing squash for the first time ... My BF has always been so enthusiastic about it that he managed to get ME excited as well.

Trust me, i'm not half as excited now ... I mean the work-out is awesome. It's tricky to get used to play in 4 dimensions. I've never been good with 3D so 4D definitely is quite a challenge for my little brain! We played a bit (he probably blew the score to something close to a trillion to 2 or 3 for me), i ran a lot, laughed a lot as well, i didnt fall, sweat from places i didnt even know i could sweat from, we also did some work-out without any racket or ball and stretched at the end even!
The "let's train without the racket" part was the one that got the best of me. We actually had to stop because my legs couldnt carry me no more.

Needless to say that when we got back home, i was in so much pain, i could barely stand. So now, everything i do is painful. When i sit, when i stand, when i walk, when i breathe, when i do everything and anything. I mean there is some muscles in my legs that hurt i didnt even know i had them! And as time passes, more places start hurting. Like my back and my neck.

Obviously, my dear beloved is making fun of me walking like an ancien woman around the house and just suggested the best thing ever: we should go play again tomorrow.

Yeah.

MMM.

Right.

La la la la, la la la la, eh eh eh, goodbye ...

2011-01-27T10:42:00.000-06:00

I've been waiting to write this post for quite a few days now but it wasnt exactly official yet. Well it kinda was, but not quite. Ok, whatever!

A few weeks ago, i quit my job.

Well, it started with a meeting with my boss telling him that i wasnt happy with my job anymore, that i didnt enjoy it the way i used to, that it wasnt fullfilling enough and that working 2 to 4 days a week wasnt floating my boat any longer.
And then that perfect job opportunity popped into my life pretty much unexpectedly. When i went for the interview, the guy who interviewed me (my first boss at the job i've just left) made a description of what i'd call the perfect job, the job i've always wanted to have, along with the possible profesional growth i've always wanted. So when i met my soon-to-be new boss for the last final interview and she asked me to describe my ideal of a job, i told her, please, bring him back in and have him describe what i'll be doing ... THAT is my ideal job!

The law of attraction in all its power.

AWESOME.

Yesterday was my last day at work. I hate goodbyes so i tried to cut it short, knowing that people who'll genuinely miss me (and vice versa) will remain in my life.
I pulled out the job i was supposed to and the way it was supposed to be done for one last time.
I wrote a goodbye email to all those people i've been working with on a daily basis. I'm thankful for the opportunity i've been given, i truly enjoyed the ride and i am grateful of the people i got to meet and/or work with but it was time to do something that would make ME happy.
Strangely enough, i have ZERO nostalgy.

I am so ready to move on onto something new, challenging and different. I'm done being the i'm-on-top-of-my-game employee - at least for now ... i am now going to be the new i-know-nothing-yet girl who comes to work with her note book and a pen to take notes on what's to learn.
And i'm oh so excited.

I even changed my job's profile on facebook at it appeared on my profile that "Mathilde has left her job at VA". Just like that. Cristal clear ... I couldnt stop reading it. It made the entire concept so much more real. I just loved it. So did 5 other people as well! The wonders of social networking!

I've been working for this company 8 years ...

Ni las gracias me van a dar ...

PS: and the best of it all ... i dont have to wear a uniform anymore! woooo

Wednesday Off ?? Really?

2011-01-12T14:48:00.001-06:00

For the first time in around 9 years, i am off on a wednesday. When i come to think about it, i dont think it has happened to me EVER. Apart when on vacation, i always worked on wednesday. And since i've been working with cruise ships, wednesday has always been the busy looong day of the week, with up to 4 ships in port and me running around the maritime terminal like a headless chicken, starting my day at 6am and gloriously arriving back home at around 9pm.

Well, a few weeks ago, Carnival Splendor's machine room had the good idea to set up on fire. I'll pass you on the end of the world type of situation people had to go through to get their ass sailed back to San Diego, point is, damages were way more serious than initially evaluated and damn ship had to go to dry dock to fix up everything.

Added to that, one of the wednesday ship that is now coming on tuesdays, another one chartered to Hawaii for the entire month of January and the 4th one which is starting to come to port next week.

Conclusion of it all: i am off today ... On a wednesday.

And that throws me completely off.

I have no idea what time it is or what day it is. It feels like a sunday but Post Secret hasnt been updated today (cuz it's not sunday), i wanted to call a friend to chitchat but she's working, buses are packed full of students coming out of school and traffic is insane.

Just like a normal wednesday.

So tomorrow thursday will most likely feel like a monday and i'm gonna be completely off for the rest of the week, having no clue what day is it. And we have a ship on friday which is normally my day off. And my internet sales' colleagues has a new girl to cover her on the week-ends so i'm not gonna be working at the office anymore on sundays.

Yeah, well, it's gonna feel like i'm a tourist with no clue what day is it ... except that, well, i'm not on vacations.

Damn.

PS: just found out that wednesday is also called hump day, which i dont know what it means so if someone would be so kind as to explain it to me ... i'm too lazy investigate this one thorugh.

PS2: yes the second illustration doesnt have much to do with the post but i like the face of the woman riding the turtle and guess i could have written an entire post about it ...

What Do You Ask?

2011-01-02T17:20:00.000-06:00

What do you ask the new year when you already got it all?

That's the question that came to my mind on new year's eve when i had the grapes in my hand ready to pop them in my mouth. Oh yeah, in Mexico, there is this tradition that on new year's eve, for each of the 12 strokes that calls midnight hence the new year starting, you shovel down a grape and wish for something.
So technically, you wish 12 things for the new year.

One second.
One stroke.
One wish.

I realized i've never had 12 wishes ready to wish for so i always end up, after 2 or 3 wishes thinking, shit, what could i wish for next, then realize i'm already 5 wishes behind, shovel down my remaining grapes and think sod it, next year i'll be better prepared and i'll make a list with 12 wishes that i can think off at that particular moment.

Needless to say i've never done such list. And this year was obviously no exception.

So there i was, with my little bag of grapes in my hand, realizing that in just a few minutes from then i'll be having cold sweats thinking of what could i wish for. And that's when it stroked me in the face. I dont have any special wish for this coming year. I really feel like i have it all already.

I have a house i adore, a boyfriend i love to bits, a cat (just rescued another one today), a car that works decently (that just broke down 3 days ago), a pretty good health (although there is definitely room for improvement here), a job that doesnt fullfill me any longer but provides me with economic stability, plans for this year to do voluntary work, amazing friends and a great family. What can i possibly ask for?

And i couldnt find more than just a couple of things to wish for for 2011. And it wasnt even for myself ...

I guess when you finally find happiness, the only thing you truly wish for is not for this happiness to keep going on but for your loved ones to finally find their own too =)

And that's what i wished for this year.

All the best to YOU. If i can have it all, so can you ...

The One I Get Puked On

2010-12-31T11:29:00.000-06:00

I'm on foot again ... two pulleys in my car's engine broke down, along with their base, all red lights turned on on the dashboard and i ended up driving another kilometer or so barely able to turn the driving wheel.
Awesome.

I said it earlier, i dont mind taking the bus, even though at 6pm it's definitely not the most pleasant experience. But let's be honest, it's winter here so people dont sweat that much so it's actually ok. Even after an 11.5 hours worth of work, standing on the pier. I even got to sit down so the 20 minutes were gonna be pleasantly rocking.

Well it WAS actually pleasant until the little kid i was seating next to started feeling sick. And he was signing his dad sitting behind me that he wanted to puke. And i thought, hey, no big deal, little guy is sitting by the open window, he's old enough to have common sense to puke at the window if needed.

Well i was wrong.
I was so very wrong.

Little punkhead stood up and puked his gutts onto me. Well on my lap and legs. And it ran down my socks and shoes. And it was gross. The power of his puke also covered the shirt of a guy standing next to me in the alley. I think we both laugh. I dont know why i thought it was funny.
Punkhead's dad immediately took his shirt off and handed it to me so i could "clean" myself, but really, i didnt care. I felt sorry for the kid since he'd been desperately trying to make his dad understood that he really DID want to puke.

The first thing i thought was, damn, do those things really only happen to me? Does it have to happen after my longest day of work, that very same day i'm exhausted and my legs are killing me? At least it's something funny to talk about to wrap up 2010.

Hope punkhead feels better =)

Whoopsy ... on Apologizing and Holiday Wishes

2010-12-28T17:16:00.000-06:00

The least i can say is that December will not have been the most productive month there is. I'm talking blog wise. This is the 3rd post this month and there's only 3 days left to this month (and year) and i have no inspiration whatsoever.

There are 3 reasons to this lack of inspiration:
- i've been seriously sick hence wreck-tired
- i've had quite a fair amount of work (and no day off in 11 days)
- and i have a new boyfriend (it's been a month now)

And you all know that when i'm happy, i'm not productive when it comes to writing.

So it was just a little hi, passing by, to re-assure all of you who actually read this blog that i am still alive and somewhat kicking, that i am looking forward to welcoming this new year and while i'm at it, wish you all a fantastic 2011.

All the best =)

Painfully Exhausted

2010-12-21T18:45:00.000-06:00

It sucks. I mean this is the holiday season, work is finally booming, it's almost time for present unwrapping and for once i'm actually excited about it and i'm sick. Like bad-ass sick. It's my 2nd bronchitis in 3 months and i'm currently dying.

Since it's the 2nd time in such a short amount of time, i've been given some super powerful drugs that make me nauseous or hallucinating. And no, it's no fun.

My chest is so sore from the coughing, my entire body aches, i feel like i've been run over by one of the those packed-to-the-roof-i'm-way-over-the-speed-limit city bus that passes around the corner of my house, i can barely breathe and i'm just exhausted.

I ~~need~~ want to be on top again to enjoy this jolly time! I can't believe i'm actually looking forward to my Christmas dinner and Chirstmas day.

There are only 2 good things in my life right now: i got my cat back today and my boyfriend is the sweetest pie of the world ...

Happy Christmas y'all =)

Me and ... Twilight

2010-12-16T18:02:00.001-06:00

OK, no i'm not dead ... jaja. But i've been so busy lately i didnt get a chance to blog. And the few minutes i had for myself, i used them otherwise :P

But anyway, i am back now and hopefully will catch up on the posts for December ...

A few ~~weeks~~ days ago, i wrote on those pages that i felt empty inside, that nothing seemed to matter anymore, that i had lost faith in love and relationships in general.
Pretty much at that same moment, i got hooked into the Twilight saga and i started realizing that all hope wasnt gone and that maybe, some day some guys (preferably not a dead one) would say to me those beautiful sentences that Edward says to Bella.

Because let's be honest, no matter how down to earth and straight to the point kinda person i might be, a little soppy and cheesy never hurts ... And which girl doesnt want to hear "i don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore" or "do you know how long i've been waiting for you?"
I could listen to that vampire saying those 2 sentences over and over again, thinking, damn, what would i do if someone would say something like that to me? How would i react if someone would treat me like Edward or Jacob treat Bella? Does it only happens in movies? Or in books? What do you mean it's not real life? What do you mean men like that don't exist? What do you mean i need to come back down to planet earth, vampires and werewolves don't exist and thus won't be fighting for me? What do you mean this is all just a teenage dream?

Well i dont want to brag about it ... Even though this is what i'm gonna be doing just now ... But guess what? I've met a guy who just said that to me. Those exact 2 sentences i was dying to hear a few days ago, those 2 sentences i thought nobody would ever tell me. He said them. Out loud. And i cried. Because it was beautiful. Because it was exactly what i needed to hear at that exact moment i heard it. Because he meant it. Because he brought back my faith in the fact that not because one too many guys screwed me up big time, the rest of them are all alike.

I can be loved and appreciated for what and who i really am. I can enjoy every second of it and hope it lasts forever. I can believe in love again.

How better does life get?

Me and ... Fraggle Rock

2010-11-30T21:35:00.000-06:00

A few days ago, i got back on Facebook ... I know, i know shame on me. Whatever. After saying that i've been feeling anaesthetized for the past week or so, i felt i could go back safely. And i did. And guess what?

I felt nothing.

But that's not really the topic here.

So a few days ago, i read on Facebook a little "favor" a lot of people were asking for: change your profile picture for a cartoon image from your childhood to protest againt violence towards children.
I honestly don't think that changing my profile picture on Facebook is gonna do any beaten kid any good but hey, doesnt cost me to do it anyway. So i did it.

Well.

from left to right: back row: Mokey, Gobo, Red - front row: Wembley, Boober

It was supposed to be from Nov. 23rd through Nov. 30th and it took me like 3 days to figure out, shit, what cartoon really marked my childhood, considering i've never been a tv person.
And the only one i could remember off was Fraggle Rock. And then i realized that it is NOT a cartoon. It's like a muppet show. But i thought, fuck it, it is something kids watch, it is something I watched when i was little and that made me dream of finding a hole in my wall and tunnels that lead to Fraggle Rock and meet all the characters and shit and dreading to bump into a Gorg or that one of the gorgs would actually eat a fraggle cuz you know when you're a kid you don't know for sure the good ones are gonna make it and the bad ones are gonna loose. And i was having nightmare about those gorgs and i so wanted to be in Fraggle Rock and obviously i was identifying myself to one of them even though back then i didnt really understand why this one more than another one ...

shit they're still scary :s from left to right: self proclaimed King and Queen of the universe and their son Junior

Who am i?
Oh come on! If you're read this blog more than once, or if you actually know me in person, you already know now don't you. I'm RED =)
Here's a quick description (from my dear beloved wikipedia) of who she is (hence who i am) ...

Red has an exuberant and athletic nature; she is one of the best swimmers among the Fraggles. She is also highly cynical of her friends' plans and ideas and often teases Gobo about his Uncle Traveling Matt (occasionally yawning while he reads the postcards). Red, like Gobo, wants to be in control, and there is often friction between them over who should be the one in charge. During the course of the show, Red and Mokey become roommates. Red has a yellowish orange hue, red hair, and wears a red sweater.

She wants to be in charge, doesnt like authority, is sarcastic ... I mean she even have red-hair. And she's also the goofball of the pictures (i can't seem to find one single picture online where she looks "decent").

So for about a week now, i've changed my profile picture to Red's picture (her name is the french version of Fraggle Rock was Maggie) and i now remember that a friend of mine actually said once that i even look like her (i mean, ok, there might be some resemblance in characters but physically, excuse me, but no. I'm not yellow, i dont have long hair, let alone pigtails and i'm not like, OK FINE i look like her ... shit (** sight ** heavy sight**))

So now, every time i've been checking my FB or my farm, i've seen the cartoonized me and want so bad to get the collection of Fraggle Rock on DVD.

Dear Santa, i've been a very good girl (smile heavily loaded with meaning) - even when i've been naughty i've been very good at it.
I WANT FRAGGLE ROCK ON DVD.

And i still havent figured out how to post a video so anyway, there you go ... just the way i used to watch it ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK5DTAZ5pq4

Entrez dans la danse, les soucis n'ont pas de chance
La musique commence, ca c'est fraggle rock
Oubliez la danse, le travail c'est votre chance
Que les jeux commencent, ca c'est fraggle rock
Ca c'est fraggle rock!

AWESOME =)

I'm Outta Love

2010-11-27T16:11:00.000-06:00

I believe this is gonna be one of these posts where everybody feels or thinks i'm 10 miles down into depression's abyss but i actually feel pretty good.

I've mentioned this in the past but i came to realize yesterday that it still applies today: i am out of love. Which in my own words, would translate as i have lost faith in love. Completely.

Before i get people throwing themselves at my throat telling me that there is no such thing as being out of love, let me explain a few things.
I have loved in the past. And i truly hope i can say i've been loved as well. Although to be honest, i'm not too sure about that. But that's not really the point here. I think i am a very dedicated person, especially when i have the hots for someone. I give myself up completely and that may be the reason why i tend to end up hurt. Or empty.
It's not that i'm trying to overdo it or make you love me. It's just the way i am. If you're the person who share my life, i'll give it all to you. You can take it or leave it. I'll do it anyway. That way, i know that if the relationship fails, at least i've done and given everything i could and that my everything was not enough for that person in particular.
Problem is ... i tend to lose myself in the process. Giving all that is to the other person, not expecting anything in return. Ever.
And when i get something back, it makes me uncomfortable cuz i'm not accustomed to receive love that way.

Moving on.

As you all know already, i recently broke up with a man i was very keen on for whatever reasons that i will not mention here. A mere 5 weeks later, he apparently already moved on with his life and well, good for him.
I may be wrong but i am still convinced that our relationship has not ended just yet. I mean i believe we still have to walk along together for a while. Maybe in a few months, maybe in a few years, whenever. I so believe we do. But now is not the time.
I thought that hearing he's dating someone else would crush me. It didnt. And when i sat down to "analize" what were my feeling about it all, i was surprised to realized i felt nothing.

But i mean ... NOTHING.
I was blank.

No pain, no hard feeling, no ill-being, no resentment, no regret, no joy, nothing.

And then when i got to talk about it with a friend of mine, after the first sensation of anger i felt knowing that he's dating someone when he said he wanted to be alone for a while, i realized that damn, i didnt really care about it. I felt empty inside.
Emotionally, i feel empty inside.

I feel like nothing can reach me anymore. I feel like my heart is steel-cold and unaccessible. I feel like no pain or ache can get to me anymore. I feel anaesthetized. And i like the feeling about "feeling no pain".

I also realized that i have lost faith in love. I have lost faith in my ability to find someone who will value me for what and who i am, not for what i do for him or her. I have lost faith in relationships. I feel i can't give love anymore.
It seems i can't feel pain anymore.
I ran out of love.
I feel i can enjoy life as it comes.
I have no expectations, thus no disappointments.
I've resigned myself to live and let live.

And the best thing about it all, i'm actually fine with it.

"Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise"
S. Johson

Reality Check

2010-11-23T17:45:00.001-06:00

I was ready to wait for you, especially since you said you needed time ... alone.
I realize i dont really mind you moving on. What really bothers me is that you lied to me.
What for? Not to hurt me? To protect me? Or because you were too coward to admit the truth?
Lies do more damage than the truth. It's always been that way.

But today, it's not pain i'm feeling. It's anger. I am majorily pissed at you for lying to me. And at myself for systematically seeing the good in people, always considering they're telling me the truth.
Will i ever learn?

I'm actually laughing at my own ~~stupidity~~ naivety.

But you know what's the best part of it all? I now have a good reason to sing this song on top of my lungs ... and actually meaning every single word of it ...
Never ~~hope~~ thought it'd happen ... Hope you'll enjoy it ... cuz it's all for you =)

Cuéntame que harás después que estrenes su cuerpo
Cuando muera tu traviesa curiosidad
Cuando memorices todos sus recovecos
Y decidas otra vez regresar
Ya no estaré aquí en el mismo lugar.

Si no tiene más que un par de dedos de frente
Y descubres que no se lava bién los dientes
Si te quita los pocos centavos que tienes
Y luego te deja sólo tal como quiere

Sé que volverás el día
En que ella te haga trizas
Sin almohadas para llorar

Pero si te has decidido
Y no quieres más conmigo
Nada ahora puede importar
Porque sin ti
El mundo ya me da igual

Si te vas, si te vas, si te marchas
Mi cielo se hará gris
Si te vas, si te vas, ya no tienes
Que venir por mi
Si te vas, si te vas, si me cambias
Por esa bruja, pedazo de cuero
No vuelvas nunca más
Ya no estaré aquí.

Toda escoba nueva siempre barre bién,
Luego vas a ver desgastadas las cerdas,
Cuando las arrugas le corten la piel
Y la celulitis invada sus piernas
Volverás desde tu infierno
Con el rabo entre los cuernos
Implorando una vez más.

Pero para ese entonces
Yo estaré a un millón de noches
Lejos de esta enorme ciudad
Lejos de ti
El mundo ya me da igual

Si te vas, si te vas, si te marchas
Mi cielo se hará gris
Si te vas, si te vas, ya no tienes
Que venir por mi
Si te vas, si te vas, si me cambias
Por esa bruja, pedazo de cuero
No vuelvas nunca más
Ya no estaré aquí

Si te vas, si te vas, si te marchas
Mi cielo se hará gris
Si te vas, si te vas, ya no tienes
Que venir por mi
Si te vas, si te vas, si me cambias
Por esa bruja, pedazo de cuero
No vuelvas nunca más, no vuelvas,
No estaré aquí.

Hell-thy

2010-11-22T20:24:00.000-06:00

Comfort food, as the name says, is made to comfort you. And a double decker nutella sandwich with a coke for dinner does just that: it comforts me.

I've been needing comforting for a while now, except that i dont get it when i need it, i dont take it when i get it, and i pretty much block everything that comes my way especially if that something will make me feel happy.

I dont mean to.

I just do it by habit. I dont even notice i'm doing it. I'm sabotaging my happiness.

I hope someday someone will make me change, will help me change.

But how can someone not give up on me if I've already given up myself?
I just can't do it anymore.

I wish it would all go away.

I Have A Twin Brother

2010-11-19T17:00:00.000-06:00

We were not born the same day (even though almost)
Nor the same year
Nor from the same mother
Nor in the same country ...

But the more time we spend together, the more i'm convinced we have this we're-from-the-same-womb kinda relationship.

We think the same, act the same, have the same ups and downs, feel the same, have the same tastes, have that same affection for one another and most of the time, dont even need to finish our sentence to understand eachother. We dont need to talk most of the time, just a look suffices.

We're so alike it's even creepy sometimes.

If we're not really twins, then we must have been in a past life. There is no other explanation.

Love you so very much =)

WTF Is Going On ??

2010-11-16T22:11:00.000-06:00

A few posts back, i swore to god that i would never ever drink again. EVER.

There's "ever" in whatever ...

I went out Saturday night, first, to watch Manny Pacquiao's box fight against Mexican Antonio Margarito (who got beaten the crap out of by the way), then to check out a local strip club (never been to one so that was long due) and ended up dancing the night away, including banda music with my 2 lesbian friends at a gay club.

By the time i arrived back home, it was already 6:30am, sun was rising and i was moderatly drunk, the cool morning air not helping whatsoever to drop down my coming hangover. I slept the entire day sunday and had the most un-productive day that someone can possibly have.

What wasnt planned was that i would be invited to the inauguration of a beach/lounge/gay bar downtown on Monday evening, thanks to my super social-skilled friend Mau. Since we arrived as late as can be, we had only a few canapés down our throat but compensated with excessive refills on white wine and champagne. Oh yeah.

So by the time they were closing the bar, we were so very well on our way to one long night ... And we sure did (have one long night).

After making a complete fool of myself at the restaurant we had dinner to by spilling half of my plate of pasta on my skirt, we checked pretty much every single gay bars and clubs of town and ended up in the same place as 2 nights prior (for me).

You do pretty crazy stuff in a gay club but for the sake of our story, i'll just say we danced the night away yet again. Until it was 6am AGAIN.

It was 10am when we finally laid down, so a good 26 hours after i actually woke up the day before and i just couldnt sleep ... At all. Not even remotely tired, not dozzing off, nothing.
So since my dear friend was lost in what seemed delicious oblivion, i decided to take off and get back home. Maybe i could get some rest since i was gonna be in my own bed.

Well i was wrong.

It is now 10:10pm, i'm starting my 39th hour awake, alive and somehow kicking. I've cleaned by bedroom, swept the floor, mopped the floor as well, did the dishes, checked my farm, read a few chapters of a book, took a steaming shower, drank an herbal tea, took some sleep-inducing pills and nothing. I am still wide awake.

THIRTY NINE HOURS STRAIGHT AND COUNTING.

I mean WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?

Say "no" to drugs ... they're EVIL.

My Mom Found My Sex Toys

2010-11-12T20:05:00.001-06:00

GASP

Oh yes she did.

Just before they arrived here in Mexico for a 12 days stay, i had carefully put my sex toys away, that is to say at the very back of my highest closet's shelf. I knew that with my parents here, chances of using them were nonexistent.

Well i should have known better.

While they were here, i took advantage of my dad being quite a handy man to fix stuff in my house, such as curtain rails, kitchen cupboards, fixing a million stuff and so on. While he was doing all that, i found the energy to paint my living room and kitchen. It was more than long due.

But since my parents were sleeping in my bedroom, i had told them that i'd paint the bedroom walls once they're gone so they wouldnt have to sleep in the living room or in the bedroom with paint smell.

I dont know what my mom did or WHY but she thought that painting my closet was also a tall order (and an urgent one with all that) so she EMPTIED my entire closet.

GASP
GASP
GASP

I didnt realized it until she had put everything back inside the following day. Which was one day before they would be departing. And there is no freaking way she couldnt see them. They were neatly stored in their case and my mom opens every single thing she finds to check what she can or cannot trash.

They left today.

First things i checked when i came back home after dropping them at the airport were my toys. My entire closet is upside down, nothing is where it used to be and i was dreading she had thrown them away. But no. They were still in their case, still neatly accomodated and in a complete different location which means she had seens them and/or touch them and just the thought of it makes me uneasy.

She freaked out when she found out, a few years ago, that i have a piercing in my tongue. Now she found my sex toys and most likely also bumped into my lubrifiant bottle when she cleaned the bathroom ... I'd PAY to know what she thought at that very moment.

She must think i'm this depraved, debauched, perv sex addict ...

Which i am ...

I'm Not Dead

2010-11-09T11:59:00.000-06:00

At least not yet.

My parents are in town, staying at my place, living me with close to no time at all for myself. And since my mom is already freaked out about the amount of time i'm spending online, i dont want to give her more reasons to freak out than the ones she already has ...

In a few more days, i'll blog again, hopefully with something spicy, witty and funny =)

I Have Hot Water!

2010-10-30T16:03:00.000-05:00

Close to 6 months after moving into my new house, i am now the proud owner of a brand new boiler AND a gaz connection through the wall (and not through the open window as i used to have up until now).

I mean how insanely outrageous this is?

This means that:
- i can finally take a hot shower in the morning before i got to work instead of giving it an hopeful shot and thinking "what the fuck was i thinking??" the second the icy cold water hit me
- i can take a hot steamy shower at 4 in the morning after a night of insanely crazy wild sex (that i dont get anymore)
- i can wash the month worth of dishes with the decent hope all the stuck grease will be removed instantly (they've been soaking in for days, even with ice cold water, it'd go away!)
- i can sweat my ass off cleaning inside and outside the house and coming out of the bathroom smelling like a blooming rose without fearing i'd get yet another pneumonia!

But the real truth is, i didnt need hot water to do more cleaning ... jaja, who was i kidding? I mean no matter how tough i can be, november is definitely a month you need hot water here. Even if it's Mexico, even if it's the Pacific Coast. I mean, it gets chilly ...

And how was i supposed to receive my parents without that minimum amount of comfort?

Woo freaking hoo!

So What?

2010-10-27T23:17:00.000-05:00

Splitting up with someone you're convinced you should be with is hard. I know it was the right decision but it doesnt make it any easier.

People don't want to hear you whine all the time, less of it all about your love life. There is always someone to tell you, oh, come on now, get over it/him, he's an ass, he missed his chance, you deserve better, you'll find someone better, if it's meant to happen it will, he's no match to you and BLA BLA BLA.

What do they know?

I dont want to get over him, i dont think he's an ass, he definitely still has a chance, i dont think i deserve better (or worse as a matter of fact), i think he's perfect, i hope it'll happen again and i believe he's a match for me.

But he needs time.

Time for a kitty cat to lick his wounds and heal his heart.

I'm sad ... and hurt.

And putting up a smiling face to the world is the hardest, toughest thing for me to do. But i can't be carrying the weight of it all the time. Life goes on. I'm alive still. Everything happens for a reason even if i have no freaking clue what the damn reason is right now.

Last night, a friend of mine told me to listen to Pink's song "so what?". Told me it helps him when he feels blue and lonely after a relationship ends. I retorted that i was more in the "sober" mood, wondering how could i feel this good sober?

And then this morning, i got his song stuck in my head ... So consequently, his way of seeing life in tough times ... And i must admit, to my biggest surprise ... it DID cheer me up ...

So, so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what?
I'm havin' more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright!
I'm just fine
And you're a fool
So, so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

If only i could actually CONVINCE myself of what i'm singing ...

But as i said ... life goes on ... and while i'm waiting, might as well have some fun =)

PS: Pink does get back with her husband in the end, right? ...

It's The Story of 2 People

2010-10-24T17:08:00.000-05:00

It's the story of 2 people who want to be together but know it's not the right time.
It's the story of 2 people who look at each other dying to hug and kiss.
It's the story of 2 people who have so much chemistry it's almost palpable.
It's the story of 2 people who small talk for half hour on the parking lot at work not to have to go their separate way.
It's the story of 2 people missing each other so much words can't describe it.
It's the story of 2 people who could watch eachother hours on end without having to utter a single word.
It's the story of 2 people who have fell for one another so long ago it doesnt make sense anymore not to be together.
It's the story of 2 people who drown themselves in eachother's eyes.
Every single time.

It's my story.

It's also yours.

I think you know all that already.

PS: Oh Darling, Don't Let Me Down cuz All I Need Is Love. And While My Guitar Gently Weeps, I Want You (i want you so bad, it's driving me mad). This Dear Prudence tells me to Let It Be ...

Alone I Break

2010-10-22T19:08:00.000-05:00

I've been sick like a pig since yesterday ... couldnt stay at work, had to call the doc so he could give me stronger meds, had a friend of mine bringing me said-meds.
I'm coughing my lungs out, my chest hurts like i've been hit by a truck, i have fever, i passed out once this morning, puked the little food i had managed to ingest today, had hallucinations and can barely stand.

Some pains go beyond words.

I have never felt this lonely in a million years.

And then one song came to my head - here it is:

Alone i break - by KORN

Pick me up
Been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it somehow

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
I'm ready, heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
Is there nothing more to come?
(Am I gonna leave this place?)
Is it always black in space?
Am I going to take its place?
Am I going to win this race?
(Am I going to leave this race?)
I guess God's up in this place?
What is it that I've become?
Is there something more to come?

More to come

PS: i still dont know how to insert a video here but you can check it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ryfwfc_946w

I Miss You

2010-10-21T14:38:00.000-05:00

It's been 2 days.

It feels like 2 years.

Wonder if my asthma attack has anything to do with it?

Bye Facebook

2010-10-17T18:19:00.001-05:00

Today, i have made the HUGE decision to get rid of my facebook account. Well, i'm not getting 100% rid of it cuz i can't face just yet going through all my pictures and photo albums and save them on my computer.

Today i have come to the conclusion that social networking is affecting my well being in a way that i didnt think possible and i have thus decided to give up this addiction.

I have gotten rid of it on my blackberry, i've erased it from my navigation's history as well as from my favorite web pages. I will not let an addiction ~~ruin~~ rule my life ...

I AM BREAKING FREE.

PS: For those of you still willing on keeping in touch with me or wanting to share links and/or videos, my email is still up and kicking ... At least, i'll be able to not read what hurts me most ...

After 12 Days of Blissful Happiness ...

2010-10-15T16:05:00.000-05:00

... blueness caught up with me ...

I guess happiness is not meant to last forever.

Damn.

I've Just Married People

2010-10-12T20:49:00.000-05:00

Well, kinda.

It sounds surreal for a person like me to say something like this since i dont really believe in the "happily ever after" nor am the kinda person who'd completely lose it over a bouquet's color or the material used for the "chemin de table".

I work for a company that apart from selling tours, also sell wedding packages.
And i must say, my colleague who's in charge of that particular part is doing an AMAZING job with the flowers, the decorations, the organization and most of it all, with dealing with neurotic brides.

How the hell did i end up on the other side of the altar, virtually marrying people then?
Cuz on sunday's wedding, half of the groom's family was from Quebec and speak no other language than french.

God damn them.

So my colleague and friend asked me if i wouldn't mind stepping in and repeat after the minister ... but in french.
And i said "i do".

So here was i, rehearsing my lines in a language i dont speak that well anymore, gathering myself together to pronounce 2 people husband and wife in front of an audience.
Needless to say i was a nervous wreck.
But that was nothing compared to the groom's state. And when he said "oh wow" when he saw his soon-to-be wife walking down the aisle, i was so ready to shed a tear. And i thought, jeez, this isnt my wedding, i dont even know these people and i'm that emotional? Holy crap.

I always said i'd never get married. Well ... seeing the emotional wreck i could become during a wedding that isnt even mine surely didnt make me want to change my mind.

Or maybe it was because i felt so sorry for the groom who's bride was looking like she was having the worse time of her life. I dont know really. But one thing is certain ... weddings are really not my cup of tea.

I Am Writing Again

2010-10-06T20:11:00.000-05:00

I mean i am writing again for real, with a pen and paper. Yesterday, for the first time in MONTHS (last time if i recall was in january this year), i grabbed my diary and started writing. And the most amazing of it all, is that i wrote in FRENCH.
THAT hadnt happen in YEARS. I think last time i wrote a line in french in a diary was back in 2006. So that's an eternity ago.

Something has changed in me over the past few days. Or more exactly, something my psy said made me click. That was on monday. I havent stopped smiling since. I'm feeling happy. But i mean a "happy" i can't explain. Everything seems to fall into place, i sleep like a log, i've found the pleasure of writing again (and i did write for about 2 hours yesterday so my wrist was KILLING me this morning), i cant stop smiling like an idiot, i even found an idea of outfit for Halloween when i normally NEVER even want to go out that day and i'm actually excited about it, nothing seems to bother me anymore ...

So i wonder ... is that what normal people feel? Is is gonna last? Do i have a choice? Can i be this happy as long as i want to?

I'd like to believe i have the power to feel that way ... and guess what?
I actually think i do.

Internet Has Never Failed Me

2010-10-02T13:45:00.000-05:00

... so far!!

When i spent a week vacation in Playa del Carmen last month, i bumped into an animal i had never ever seen in my entire life. Never seen it on TV, in books, let alone in real life. It was looking like a marmot or a squirrel but as big as a badger, with no tail and so shy it was basically impossible to get a close shot picture.

And i got back home without knowing what that animal was. I asked some of my animal-expert friends but how do you precisely describe an animal you've only seen from far away and without a picture of it? I mean i have a lot of faith in my friend's knowledge but i dont really believe in miracles either.

Well today, i finally got a name for it. Looks like my dear friend Tim didnt forget about that little bugger and he sent me a quick text this morning with only 9 words that lightened my day: "the name of the animal you saw is tzereque".

As soon as i got home, i checked on google images and that was it. That was so it. So then i did what i always do in such a situation ... i rush to WIKIPEDIA to get more info about it all.
I'm not gonna even try to describe the nervous knot that formed in my stomach when i got an error message on the screen saying that that noun did not exist, nor in english, nor in spanish.
Back to google. I found another spelling "sereque" ...
Wiki still doesnt know any of it.
Damn Wikipedia, you've never ever failed me so far, what's the matter with you today?

But that was without counting on the wonders of the Internet. Digging a little here and a little there, and i managed to found the latin name of the damn animal. And i mean if an encyclopedia doesnt recognize a latin name, then i'd known for sure that internet would have failed me big time.

So there i had it: a dasyprocta agouti or Mexican Agouti. That's the name of the little animal that intrigued me so much in Playa del Carmen. And i even learnt they are related to Guinea pigs!

What a wonderful world of technology we're living into!
I love the 21st century!

2010-09-29T23:28:00.000-05:00

I've been writing a blog for almost a year and a half now. And over the months, i've been following more and more people, blogs i found interesting, or entertaining, blogs of people i secretly admire or envy or blogs i simply enjoy reading because of the wicked style or content. Now over the past few WEEKS, i've been "receiving" comments from people i dont know who read one of the posts i wrote. How did they get to my blog eludes me and even though i'm dying of curiosity, i won't ask them. I think it's just awesome to read the words of a complete stranger commenting on my own very personal words.

What i wanted to say tonight is that there is nothing as powerful as words. I have suscribed to this blog called Drop A Love Bomb through which every week, the entire community write cheering comments to someone in high need of cheering, love and comfort. Well tonight i've come to realize how much it does to receive an email or a comment from a person who doesnt know you but still takes the time to write something nice on YOUR blog.

I'm not gonna beg you guys who read these lines to comment on each and every post i publish on this blog. But if you do like what you read, if it cheered up your day or made you smile, then please, take 2 minutes to let me know. You have no idea how much of an ego boost it is for me - and to be truly honest with you, i'm the kinda person who badly needs it.